He has to be on Facebook, right?  I mean, everybody is nowadays.  Sure enough, there he was...Bruce R.  He was a constant tormentor of mine growing up.  I wanted to see what he looked like today.  I also gave thought to contacting him.  Asking him, with the wisdom of maturity, does he regret making my life miserable growing up.  

Then I read his latest post, which happened to be from 2 years ago.  It was directed towards his daughter and how he wished he would have been a better father but prison and alcoholism had done a number on his life.   On second thought, maybe he's gone through enough himself and maybe karma had in fact shown up and served up justice for me.  

Looking back, I can see myself walking down the hall...dazed.....and sore. I had just come from another altercation. One that i didn't chose nor could I avoid. Someone just got it into his head that he didn't like me and was going to make sure I knew that by attacking me. My fingers felt sore, one in particular. I looked down and it was. My ring finger on my left hand had from the middle bone up seperated from the rest of my finger. Without thinking i just snapped it back into place. My life in school was a barrage of insults, shoves, fights, kick me signs, all that seemed to never end. All because I was tall, skinny, and what seems to be the biggest sin of all.....quiet.

Grownups see someone they don't understand and can't categorize and label that person.  You're either my kind of people or your one of "them", whoever them is.  Young people go a step further and try to harm you - for fun.   My mother had to force me to go to school.  I can close my eyes and see myself screaming and pounding my feet in the car that I couldn't go back there.  I can hear those screams in my head even today.   If I could I'd apologize to my Mom for making the problem worse.  But at the time, fear absolutely had me in it's grasp.  I feared what or who was around the corner.  I feared walking down the hall towards a group of kids.  All it would take would be one to set them off.  Then i'd be in for it.  The teachers were nonexistant.  To them, you were a source of their problems.  I can still remember being picked on, and picked on, until finally I had to defend myself and when a teacher showed up all he could say was "Who with now?".  Nice.  Thanks for the support.  

I am now 49 years old and I'd be lying if I said my life wasn't shaped by those events. My heart cries for these kids. But if I could address my tormentors today, I would walk right by them and talk to their parents. It's parents that condone this behavior. Its parents that want "their" child to advance and "toughen up" at the expense of some poor non-athletic kid. It's parents that can change this behavior. Kids are a mirror of how their parents act. Change parents and you change the world.  Teach kids to respect those that are different and you just may end up one day making school safe again for everybody.

I was a small skinny kid growing up.  I had a lot of heart and a lot of kindness in it.  I was not mean or heartless like a lot of other kids, so I did not fit in well.  I was picked on and called ugly names every day at school in the private Christian elementary school I went to.  I had very low self-esteem because of this.  My world evolved around that school and it was ugly.  I could not see past it.  Now, as an adult, I know that school was only a small part of my entire life.  Those kids who bullied me were nothing but cowards themselves.  They were cowards because they followed the biggest bully in class, too scared to go against the flow, too scared to stand up for anyone else.  On the outside they pretended to be tough and tried so hard to fit in, but inside they were nothing but cowards who never broke through their empty shells. 

But not everyone was a coward.  One boy a grade ahead of me had the guts to stand up to them all.  He stood up to and talked to the biggest bully in my class one day, when I was in junior high.  I don't know what he said to the bully, but that bully and the rest of the sheep in the class never harassed me again.  That older boy became a hero to me.  He was the big brother I never had.  He was later killed in college, but he will always be my big brother, my hero. 

I went on to work with the Navy Seals and Delta Force, operating in Iraq and Afghanistan.  I became a federal agent.  I became a mentor for my family and others.  I have a very successful life now and I fear no bully.  To you kids who are being bullied, it is not right.  Any person who picks on someone smaller than them or different from them is nothing more than a coward inside, no matter what they pretend to be outside. 

There is a lot more to life than your present situation.  Be strong and know that you are not what those cowards want you to be.  You have an amazing life waiting for you in the real world, following your higher education.  Be strong inside, be good, and be patient.  You can be anything you want in this life.  Instead of letting them hold you down, let their weakness and cowardice motivate you.  Let it motivate you to be someone much greater than they could ever be.  Patience and persistence will get you anywhere you want to go in this life.  Never give up on your dreams, even if you cannot see the light.  You have the strength inside to be anyone you want to be.  Visualize it inside and take baby steps every day of your life to get there.  I told another guy going through Seal training who came to me for help, "You feel overwhelmed because you are looking at the big picture and taking everything in at once.  Let go of that.  Take one day at a time.  At the end of that day, look at the good you accomplished and your success.  Do that every day and before you know it, you will have made it."  That sailor was going to quit BUD/S training due to feeling overwhelmed.  My motivation towards him got him through the dark time, into the Seal Teams, and he later was very thankful to me.  This goes for anything in life.  Life is a roller coaster, not a merry-go-round.  There will always be good times and dark times, highs and lows.  You know what you are inside.  Tough it out no matter how bad it gets.  Find the peace inside to get through the dark times.  Find good people in life to surround yourself with (people who make you feel good about yourself and good about them).  Remember who you are inside and don't ever feel that anyone can take that away from you, because they can't.  Become the great person you want to be, one day at a time.  You will get there.  You will become anything you want to be.  And those who tried to hold you back and pull you down will fail in the end.  You will not.

I grew up constantly being called names and shunned by many people just because I am FAT and mature fast. My childhood is mostly dull. I have been contantly be abused, people spreading rumours and back-stabbed so many times and I tried to keep it in so many times, I ended up exploding in the worst of times, which made matters most. Knowing my weakness they kept pushing me around, however I never fight back... Because I realised, fighting back violently, I won't be any different from them. Over time I come to realise, no matter how many times I get extremely depressed over these stupid things, I somehow always get back on my feet. Also I come to the conclusion that bullies are being unintelligent and cowardly. They do these out of frustration or their way of relieving stress. What I did to prevent my miserable life from continuing as it is? Well for a start I went on to talk to good listeners. Its ok to cry; it shows that you are human unlike the fakes out there. Next, I just shrug the bullies off and not reacting to them got them bored and after awhile they just stop. Years later, even though my emotional scars are permanent, I still think back about the past and laugh it off. No matter how hard life is for me, with a little patience and endurance, everything willbe ok in the end.

I grew up constantly being called names and shunned by many people just because I am FAT and mature fast. My childhood is mostly dull. I have been contantly be abused, people spreading rumours and back-stabbed so many times and I tried to keep it in so many times, I ended up exploding in the worst of times, which made matters most. Knowing my weakness they kept pushing me around, however I never fight back... Because I realised, fighting back violently, I won't be any different from them. Over time I come to realise, no matter how many times I get extremely depressed over these stupid things, I somehow always get back on my feet. Also I come to the conclusion that bullies are being unintelligent and cowardly. They do these out of frustration or their way of relieving stress. What I did to prevent my miserable life from continuing as it is? Well for a start I went on to talk to good listeners. Its ok to cry; it shows that you are human unlike the fakes out there. Next, I just shrug the bullies off and not reacting to them got them bored and after awhile they just stop. Years later, even though my emotional scars are permanent, I still think back about the past and laugh it off. No matter how hard life is for me, with a little patience and endurance, everything willbe ok in the end.

I grew up constantly being called names and shunned by many people just because I am FAT and mature fast. My childhood is mostly dull. I have been contantly be abused, people spreading rumours and back-stabbed so many times and I tried to keep it in so many times, I ended up exploding in the worst of times, which made matters most. Knowing my weakness they kept pushing me around, however I never fight back... Because I realised, fighting back violently, I won't be any different from them. Over time I come to realise, no matter how many times I get extremely depressed over these stupid things, I somehow always get back on my feet. Also I come to the conclusion that bullies are being unintelligent and cowardly. They do these out of frustration or their way of relieving stress. What I did to prevent my miserable life from continuing as it is? Well for a start I went on to talk to good listeners. Its ok to cry; it shows that you are human unlike the fakes out there. Next, I just shrug the bullies off and not reacting to them got them bored and after awhile they just stop. Years later, even though my emotional scars are permanent, I still think back about the past and laugh it off. No matter how hard life is for me, with a little patience and endurance, everything willbe ok in the end.

I grew up constantly being called names and shunned by many people just because I am FAT and mature fast. My childhood is mostly dull. I have been contantly be abused, people spreading rumours and back-stabbed so many times and I tried to keep it in so many times, I ended up exploding in the worst of times, which made matters most. Knowing my weakness they kept pushing me around, however I never fight back... Because I realised, fighting back violently, I won't be any different from them. Over time I come to realise, no matter how many times I get extremely depressed over these stupid things, I somehow always get back on my feet. Also I come to the conclusion that bullies are being unintelligent and cowardly. They do these out of frustration or their way of relieving stress. What I did to prevent my miserable life from continuing as it is? Well for a start I went on to talk to good listeners. Its ok to cry; it shows that you are human unlike the fakes out there. Next, I just shrug the bullies off and not reacting to them got them bored and after awhile they just stop. Years later, even though my emotional scars are permanent, I still think back about the past and laugh it off. No matter how hard life is for me, with a little patience and endurance, everything willbe ok in the end.

I'm the sort of girl who doesn't "act" like a normal 17 year old girl. I like to play in the dirt, go shopping for weird things like guy stuff, climb trees, and just act like a goofy guy... That was until my first week of kindergarten 11 years ago.. I have this disability, where, sometimes I can't stop talking and I talk about weird things, and on occasional, inappropriate things I hear about. I hated kindergarten and elementary school. I was always made fun of for being the trouble maker or the weird kid, I usually just brushed it off like any little kid does. I never told anyone, and I stayed quiet. By the end of the year I had actually hurt a few kids and gotten sent to the principals office. And that became the norm until first grade. Either I would lie to a teacher or hurt someone, I did not want to be in that class. Skip to second grade and I'm in a new teachers class. She was always fun to be around and I ceased being a problem. But it was just the calm before the storm. I started realizing people didn't want to be around me and I'd sit with the teachers during recess. I brushed it off as being "Well I guess people just want to play with people they are friends with. Maybe another time." A few months in everyone had created this.. Game? Called the "Lauren Touch." Where if I touched you in any way, you would develope this rash and you would have to go home from school sick. I was about six or seven, because my mom decided I should start school earlier in life, so I got really annoyed with it and I just told a teacher. She told the kids to stop and that was it, nothing more could be done. Skipping ahead to fifth grade that was probably the WORST year of my life. So there was this new girl, who didn't know me or want to take the time to even know me. I was a teachers pet in fifth grade, mostly because my teacher was a sweet grey haired old lady, I listened... Sometimes, but my mind was usually preoccupied with "How am I going to make friends? I haven't had any before." I don't know whether the new girl heard a roumer about me or what happened? But something happened and she hated me, she started leaving notes in my desk. "Better sleep with one eye open!" With a large eye in the middle. So I showed those to my teacher. "I'll have a talk with you and her we'll go to the counciling office." She put the paper down and we both went to the counciling office. After an hour of talking and, me crying, she said sorry, and I'm pretty sure she crossed her fingers behind her back. A few months later and everyone started avoiding me again, the "Lauren Touch" was back and it was ten times worse. Nobody sat with me at lunch, played with me, spoke to me, or even liked me. And then the threats returned only they were more threatening than ever. "Watch your back because you might get stabbed!" Now I felt threatened, I started to dread coming to school, people on the bus would call me fatty, throw paper at me, tease me, and belittle me. I had told my mom everything that was happening at school and she told the principal. But I still didn't get any resolve. I only had made two friends at this point... Because they knew that this girl was being a bully. They didn't mind that I talked a whole lot, or said weird things, they liked me because I was friendly and needed help. At the end of the year I had gained a few more friends, but they were HER friends too... But they threw me a party and I don't know who it was but someone invited the girl. She brought a home baked cake, nobody went near it, the thing reaked. Like rotten milk and eggs, reaked. I was sure the thing was poisoned so I steered clear. The rest of the party was normal, until I reached her gift. She pushed the bag to me and held her breath, "You really need this." She said with an... Almost airless breath? I opened the bag and inside was a big bottle of shampoo. By now I had started putting on deodorant and perfume, but to her I still stunk. I was a little offended by the gift but my mom told me to say thank you and move on. I was so glad when I was done with elementary school, but middle school wasn't going to be easy. And to make a long story short, same thing happened in middle school, I was teased and made fun of. Even my first boyfriend lied to me. He said that he fell in love with me for a dare. But he cheated on me when he really fell in love. By the end of middle school, I was emotionally torn. I just didn't know if I wanted to live anymore. I had become more reclusive, hidden, shy, and I stayed away from people. I sat all alone at my table. Eating in silence, and just left alone. I graduated middle school.. Just barely. But I had made it, I was on my way to high school. By now you would think the bullying would end, but on graduation day I asked a girl on Facebook, "Hey, what should I wear tomorrow?" An innocent question. But her reply was. "Black, black, and bloody b!tch, kill yourself, nobody fu****g likes you." I never told my mom... And I snapped there.. I graduated and I'm now in eleventh grade.. I started doing a few things my parents didn't want me doing, like a normal teen. Smoked a couple cigarettes in ninth grade, and a little dope. But only because the bullying continued there too, at this point in time I started to cut myself and had scars up and down my arms. I was just done with my life. I started drinking alcohol in tenth grade, but it didn't last long, I only drank two bottles and threw up. I had stopped smoking but I was still cutting. I wanted to feel something, something other than sadness and heartache. My mom noticed and I was sent to therapy.. I got the help I needed emotionally, but not completely. And that's just how it is. I guess I'll just be the girl who grew up... Different.

Robot- Samuel Carlos

 

Sometimes I want to become a robot

So you wouldn’t feel no emotions

So you could always be in motion

No matter how much they damaged you

With words of ravage

As a robot, you can bandage

The wounds that they managed to make

You can scavenge

Who you really are

Without any challenge

 

Sometimes I want to become a robot

So you can have time

Time to delete all the slime in life

As a robot you can think about the future

So when the weather is warmer

And there is no more rain

You can rise above everyone else

And show them all

That you are a rainbow

 

Hello everyone, my name is Samuel Carlos! I am 13 years old, and I want to share to you my bullying experience through a poem that I made up. Even though I'm a child, I have had to deal with bullying since I have moved to America. I hope if you are getting bullied as I did, that you will find the rainbow that you can ride to happiness. 

Robot- Samuel Carlos

 

Sometimes I want to become a robot

So you wouldn’t feel no emotions

So you could always be in motion

No matter how much they damaged you

With words of ravage

As a robot, you can bandage

The wounds that they managed to make

You can scavenge

Who you really are

Without any challenge

 

Sometimes I want to become a robot

So you can have time

Time to delete all the slime in life

As a robot you can think about the future

So when the weather is warmer

And there is no more rain

You can rise above everyone else

And show them all

That you are a rainbow

 

Hello everyone, my name is Samuel Carlos! I am 13 years old, and I want to share to you my bullying experience through a poem that I made up. Even though I'm a child, I have had to deal with bullying since I have moved to America. I hope if you are getting bullied as I did, that you will find the rainbow that you can ride to happiness. 

All my life i have been pushed around chosen last and kicked to the curb with no friends. in forth grade i was abandoned by everyone that i though liked me but i didn't realize the full extent of it. Later on in middle school i was told no one liked me no one loved me i was never going to amount to anything and i should just kill myself it was a constant thing i began to believe all the words people said to me they physically hurt me and teased me they would always group up on me and i didn't know what i did to deserve it i constantly wonder what i did to provoke them to be made fun of to have no friends and i fought my social disorder know as autism i tried to be nice tried to interact to everyone to people who were getting bullied but they would turn on me to i didn't know why the teachers would see it and not do anything to help they pretended to ignore it so around 8th grade i gave up i grew depressed i had anxiety i stopped talking to people cause i was afraid of getting bullied when i did that my social skills slipped i had a hard time adjusting back to people so i gave up i starting meeting friends online like Xbox and people who supported me and liked me so that made me feel like i was wanted but when i went back to school i was always told that i was no wanted not loved after all the time and me not talking and being shy they still bullied me and i didn't know why so i stopped going to school and my grades started to droop and i came back to school and my school career was ruined my social life was a mess it got bad i prefer not to talk about what happend after it is to hard. but i met a school club and i found that i liked it people didn't pick on me i didn't feel like a social outcast i tried to get more social and it helped, I endured through school and i found some confront. then the cyber bulling started i started to agian belive it was my fault for being shy little akward but i tried so hard and nothing worked my only friend was my dog and she is the only being in the universe that i felt actuly liked me and cared for me. I met a friend and he helped me and i don't hate my bullies but i will remember what they have said to me and done to me over the years. I will not forget so i can help others around me that are getting bullied so they will never feel the same as me i would hate for anyone to feel the same. One friend can save a life.