you'd think with age it stops, bullies would stop hitting you calling you names and such and in a way for a while it did. untill two days ago when a guy i came out to two years ago cuz i had a crush on him called me ne night and told me to meet with him the other day because he would like to how to put it, be gay with me. and so i did i went over to his place only to find him calling his friend and gaining on me with a gun, stealing my phone, cash emptying my creit card after filming me doing a full blown im gay confession and blackmailing me to give hem money so they wont post it. it is different for me i live in the arab world where being gay is a crime i am tired i am a mess a useless pile of meat who is too shy too insecure too every demeaning thing you can think of because of what i have been subjected to and now this i would end my life right now if it wasnt for my mom who raised me all by herself since i was 4, she doesnt deserve a dead son nor a gay son for that matter she will accept i know it but she will be devastated and sad and will blame herself while it is not her fault. i dont want to make my terminally ill mother sad that is not how i should repay her oh how i long to be able to make her happy by marrying a wife and having kids but now i live in continuous fear of exposure andthats not the worst part, you do and say stupid things under gunpoint i told them that the first guy ive been with was my brother i was eleven and he was a year and a couple of month older than me he didnt know better we were just experimenting but how would that appear to my mom if she found out.

im 22 years old and not one days goes by without resenting myself - thank you bullies