I knew I deserved more

Hi =) My name is Zech, I just turned 21 a few days ago and I used to live In a super small town in California but now I am living it up in Buffalo New yOrk =) As a kid I always knew I was gay, no doubt, but the way my family reacted to other people that were made me hide it for so long until I came out when I was 15. It wasnt that hard to be honest for me anyway, I told my mom and she was fine with it, my sister said that no matter what she would always love me. but I would tell  my dad for another 2 1/2 years...my entire childhood I didnt have friends. so that was tough,.

I was insanly shy and wanted someone to prove to me that they wouldnt hurt me. so if one day someone approched me and asked to play at recess or something I would, then the next day Id wait for them to approch me, but they never would. a few months ago I reconnected with a few people I knew back in elemetry school on facebook and they told me the oly reason no one wanted to be friendsw with me wwas because they all felt I was stuck up. I would named called and everything but never physically hurt. I was never rewlly physically hurt...unless I did it myself. I did it between 6th and 9th gradewhich I know realize did nothing but now makes it the most difficult converstion to have with anyone, be it my boyfriend, family, friends, co worjkers, classmates, even the tattoo artist thatdid my ink.

I would always go to the nurses office, or the lunch ladies area, or the library and read or clean or talk to the ladies. I just felty more comfortable around older women and liked listening to them talk. but I wanted people my age to hang out with ut was tooooo shy. then middle school came and that brought the term fag to my life. Id get called that through the halls all the time. it offended me deeply because these people didnty know me, they just felt like calling me this. I finally stood up for myself and got friends around 8th grade year and I started to become a bit better. then I ended up changing schools for the 3 time in 10 years (I repeated 3rd grade) and that was insanly tough...I had no friends in the new town I didnt know a soul, I was scared and worried. so I began the cutting again. it int the best part of my past.

but 10th grade is wghen the worst stuff hapopened. now I had already tried suicice twice but never fulfilled it. only landed myself in mental hospotals. but then 10th grade things began changing. I started beliving I deserved more. and In the thought process I became more social and outgoing and tried out for my cheer squad. I became such amazing close friends with them and it felt awesome finally being noticed. but the only thing I didnt realize...with good attention, comes bad attention. I heard fag way more and sissy and homo and all those stupid words people think hurts me bnow. I think I built up one hell of an immunity to those words because they dont bother me. anyone calls me those words now I just laugh at how immature they are and think insulting sdomeone is going to resolve any issue. wellback to the story, sorry I get sidetracked a lot! =p well it was towards the middle of 10tyh grade when things started happening. I would have soda cans thrown at me by the redneck hick kids that think just because Im not like them I shouldbe treated worse than the dirt on their boots.

I had even glass bottles thrown at me multiple times.  even was threatened with being hung. they came to school with a noose rope and started laughing at me swinging it..I told the school and they didnt do anything...mainly because they were all football players and baseball players and the main reason the school was getting money because the teams were doing so good, that and the princiaple was a total jerk. I myself only had to go to his office once for something bad in the entire 2 years I was there and that was because my cell phone went off 5 minutes before the school day ended and I had to retieve it from him. evena lot of the teachers were horrible.

Soemone had written in spanish on a peice of paperr and put it on my back that i was a fag and needed to kill myself that no one would miss me. the entire math wing and science qwing teachers didnt say anything but laugh. my spanish teacher was the nicest and told me what t said and said I should call the cops. but I knew they wouldnt do anything. I was just some gay kid to them. my geometry teacher even told me to leave class because my shirt saidI was against prop 8 which was against gay marriage. I was like why and he said that shirt is innapropriate even though a kid had a stick on his backpack that said vote yes and the teacher couldnt have missed the sticker...seeing as how it was his son. I had finally had enough, I went home and planned to end everything ebcause no one would be hyome, but I discovered my mom and stepdad home, that night we got into a huge fight because his friends found my facebook and he is 100% against gay. he even told my mom to choose either him or me. then when I started yelling at him he went to go hit me but my mom held him back and he alsmost hit her but then I shoved him away into the closet door. that night I slept on the streets.

after that night I stayed with friends of mine in the town so I could still go to school and everything. then the decion was reached for me to move to my dads here in buffalo and it was the best move. my junior and senior year were amazing, I found the best friends anyone could ask for, I now have the most amazing boyfriend on the planet, family sucks but when I get my own placve things will be better, and my life is just getting better. all because I believed I deserved better abnd I went for it.  If some little shy kid from california can change his life around to being the best times of his life, Im sure everyone else cvould.

we all just need one person, one person to show we can do more with our lives and we can be someone and go places. =) Things do get better, I promise. to anyone reading thsi and is still being bullied. you are worth so much more and desver better. =) Just stick it out, I promise tyou life and god wont forget about you. It may seem rough, but I promise you you can make it through anything thatis placed in your path =)

By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.

Please check your e-mail for a link to activate your account.

Please check your e-mail for a link to activate your account.