Hold On

I'm 16 years old now but experienced bullying at the young age of 11. I will never forget the things that were said to me throughout my primary, intermediate and college years (I'm from New Zealand). I was really introverted because all my friends were a year older so when they went off to Intermediate I found myself alone. I started writing music, and reading a lot of books to keep my mind off the bullies.

My family were Croatian so I wrote my name Danja (Danya) which made them call me Danger. I would walk around and people would yell "look out! you're in the danger zone!". They would throw food at me at lunch and I would kinda just sit there. People would befriend me and then join in the bullying. My last year of intermediate some girls even made a page for people who hated me, telling me i was worthless and to go jump off a bridge because i was a waste of space. That year I started self-harming, too. My school shrugged it off and the police told my parents they couldn't do anything unless I could get the school involved.

I thought things couldn't get worse but they did. When I reached college (I was 13) this girl in my class would call me her bi*ch and would shove me around, pushing me into doorways, following me home from school, yelling names with her friends. That year I was re-united with my bestfriend who was my only friend. She was a tough girl who had a lot of self-esteem issues herself so she would stick up for me, when at night i would help her back. The next year she moved islands so I'm now lucky if I see her once every 4months. Once she left it got worse and worse and I developed depression and anxiety. I attempted suicide twice which made them bully me more. It turned me bitter almost and I started to skip school, hiding in the bathrooms by myself.

That year I was performing in a bar when a man came up to me and introduced himself as director for Coldplay. He gave me the full "Coldplay Experience" taking me backstage, showing me everything they do, how they make music, how they do what they do basically. It broke me out of my bubble and I knew what I wanted to do from then on. I decided i was going to make music and I was mostly going to make a change.

I started writing more and more music, excelling in English and Music to keep myself occupied. I made some older friends in the Musical circle and began to stand up for myself. By the time I was 15 I started getting back on track, standing up for myself getting out there. 

The emotional stress was still there, though. I had problems with drugs as my escape, so my parents refused to let me be on anti-depressants so I had to handle it naturally. I started to get panic attacks when I least expected them and I was really confused. It became hard for me to obtain relationships which was difficult because I was just trying to find my place. My parents became worried and took me to my local gp who said I had Emotional Dysregulation which was like a post-traumatic stress thing. I developed anxiety and bipolar which landed me in the country's Health System. 

Twice a week I travel to my local hospital to get check-ups and I'm slowly coming right. This documentary really helped me realise that there are other people out there dealing with what I went through and if I could say anything to you guys it's that things can get better if you let them. My blog ( http://t33n--idles.tumblr.com ) is dedicated to calming things so that when I get anxious I can go on there, look at soothing things and listen to calming music. It might help you, too :) It's named 'Hold On' which is something I live by. Just Hold On. It will get better :)

By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.

Please check your e-mail for a link to activate your account.

Please check your e-mail for a link to activate your account.