Getting through it, Changing the world.

Hi, I'm Ally Hope McNair. Right now I am 15 years old almost 16 and in grade 11. I wanna share with you my bullying story and how I got through it.

It started in grade 3, I was bullied by the people I went to day care with, they called me fat and ugly. I tried ignoring it, but come grade 5 is when all hell broke loose. They would call me fat and shove me into lockers every day, I used to stay home from school just so I wouldn't get bullied. One day, they started drawing pictures the putting them in my fat rolls. They said " Hey fat ass don't break your desk" Yes in grade 5 they swore. Tbh it never ever got better, I rode my bike to school one day, and 3 boys though it would be funny to take my entire bike a part and then put it back in place as if it was never touched but when I went a sat on it . It broke and fell all apart in front everyone, after that people told me I was to fat to ride a bike and they all laughed at me, as im sitting there on the ground the boys who did it dumped 2 buckets of ice cold water one me, i was freezing cold, wet, and embarrassed. After that night my mom and I went to the school, they did NOTHING about it nothing at all. We called the police, they still wouldn't do anything.  Things got worse when 3 years in the 9th grade came to my house to beat me up, they had there friends standing there watching them laughing at me as a beg for my life for them not to beat me up. To this day I still don't know why they wanted to beat me up. Girls were righting about me in the bathrooms called me fat, emo, ugly, faggot, slut, whore, worthless and many more. They told me to kill myself that I had no purpose to live. a month went by and girls who I thought were my best friends started writing about me on the electricity box outside my house and said that I wrote it for attention, my life was shattered, I started smoking at the age of 8/9, and drinking. I thought why not my life is messed up anyways right? Things never ever got better until grade 10, in grade 6 they would called me the same names and the teachers never did anything about it nothing ever changed. in the summer of grade 6 turning into grade 7 I moved to a town called Airdrie, I thought finally a new fresh start no one will know me, but that wasn't the case. One of my old bullies lived there, he told everyone I stalked him to Airdrie and that I am creepy, so the bullying started again, no one even knew me but him and they all judged me, all the time there was a group of boys in every class calling me stalker, fatty, whore, bitch, low life. loser. but through the year I started getting friends, but I starved myself, because I wanted to be skinny, I thought if I was skinny it would all stop skinny people don't get judged they are skinny and that means pretty, I started cutting myself and getting bad depression. The year of grade 8 came im still in the same school and I had the best teacher ever, and I was starting to look more girly, guys started to notice that. But my home life wasn't great, I would always pick fights with my mom for no reason, I was so rude to her I felt terrible after wards. But I kept cutting and drinking and smoking to get the pain away, I even brought alcohol to school and told everyone it was water as I was getting drunk in class. When people were rude to me I was so rude back because finally after 5 years I had enough and wanted it to stop so I became the bully as I was getting bullied. Boys always asked me for sex and bjs they thought I was a sex toy, but if I did anything with them it wouldn't change how they treated me in school. They would treat me like they have never ever been nice to me that I am just so random girl thats fun to pick on. At the end of grade 8 I started to like this guy named Alex, gosh was he ever perfect he made me have a reason to quit smoking and drinking, I even stopped cutting. but I was still starving myself, he made my day every day. He could just even say im bored or something stupid and my day was made, he had eyes as blue as the ocean, and a smile as bright as the sun, I still love him to this day, but I could never tell him. If he found out it woudn't make a difference anyways back on topic. There was a girl who always made fun of me in grade 7-9 because a guy liked me and not her, now in grade 9 I didn't know alex was her ex until things got worse, one day in art class, I was 2 weeks from moving again and she is called me a whore, a cunt, slut, bitch, fatass, cow, telling me to call jenni craig and much much more, the teacher watched it all she didn't do ANYTHING about it, nothing she just told me to go sit down. So I punched her in the face, best day of my life when I punched her because finally it was over. But let me tell you it was all over facebook, even people who hated me gave me props for hitting her, not saying it was right but after being bullied for that long. It was about time I got pay back, I got suspended for a week, Alex though was still there for me, when no one was. I dropped out of school after I moved, and I didn't go back to school till grade 11 which was this year, and that entire time I sat at home in my room on xbox to get away from any kind of bullying. for basically 2 years, because I didn't think I was pretty enough, when I did leave my room even to do laundry or eat something I would spend 3 hours in the mirror perfecting everything making sure it looked good just to go upstairs to see my mom or my roommates because all I could thinking about was how they looked at me, what they were thinking everything. I ended up with a bipolar disorder, depression, bad anxiety, and bulimic disorder, if I at food I would puke it up or I would starve myself, I started cutting again because I got depressed even worse, and I tried taking my own life, but obviously I didn't succeed because I am still here. I started loosing weight I felt pretty but I gained it all back and more, I lost Alex, my life shattered and i thought it was going to end, but then eventually like 4 months ago i started loving my body, and I got my confidence back, well a little of it I still think majorly on what people think about me but not nearly as bad. I model now I am currently 330 pounds but I model and people say I don't look as big as I am. But yah my goal is to change the modeling industry so no girls have to go through what I did to look like those models, to starve them selfs, and bag on themselves because they aren't a size 2 or smaller and 5'9 . I believe any body should be able to walk the run way. My goal is to help anybody who needs it. If anyone needs a friend I'm here for you.  

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