Bullying exists at every age.

I used to think it was "just me". That if only I was better looking, smarter, taller, more athletic, then...I would fit it.  So I tried..hard...to be something and someone that I am not.

4 years of bullying through middle school.

3 years of bullying in High School, until I found a group of like people to hang with, and a boyfriend who was my first advocate and bodyguard..and has been ever since. 

Would I do things differently in hindsight?  Well..bullying is tricky, and the bullies, like any abuser, knows how to cover their tracks.  They bully when no one is looking..(hence..no proof of being the perpetrator.)  If they do, it is because they are in a position of power...so even if someone cares, they don't. (Parents, teachers, employers..can all be bullies.)  I was a kid.  A small kid with no skills to handle bullying situations. 

Thank goodnesss for this conversation.  Learn as much as you can about how to protect yourself.  Letting others beat you down emotionally and physically is not okay, because whether or not you believe it, you were designed to be just who you are.  It might not fit into other people's plans, and that's ok.  Use your experience to learn, and understand that if you can, this is your sign to find some help, an adult, an advocate...change a job, avoid situations.  Ultimately, you can only change your own behavior.  But protect who you are, because when you loose that, it is hard to get it back.  Not with violence.  Find your advocate.  Mine saved my life.  They are out there.  They don't  have to be your boyfriend or girlfriend.  These angels are everywhere.  Keep your angel searching eyes open.

Now..as an adult, I can spot bullies and have no tolerance for them.  The behavior has taken too much of my precious time.  Ultimately, bullies feel the need to feel superior, because they really don't.  So they find someone who they can dominate.  Make an exit plan if you encounter this.  I have left a couple of jobs because of bully bosses.  But have had some wonderful bosses out there.  The grass can be greener.  Not all the time, but with effort, you can find the lawn that you can plant your feet on and be who you are.  Which is just what you are supposed to be.

Hang in there.  Many people care, and you are not alone.


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