A lifetime of bullying hell

from the age of seven, i've had type one diabetes. While learning about drugs in school, people would always look at me, and giggle, calling me a drug head because I had to take shots. Around 8th grade people started calling me a lesbian because I started wearing boy's clothes. My dad even started calling me a dyke, and his side of the family started to shun me. After my parents divorce almost 6 years ago, I moved to a small christian town. I found out that I liked girls and guys, and kept it a secret from everyone. But I had short pink hair, and wore boy's clothes still, and started wearing a hoodie at all times to hide the cuts. At this point I had been cutting for about a year. After starting highschool, the rumors started. Rumors that I was sleeping around, that I was doing drugs. I had people shoving me against lockers in the halls, and even got pushed against the wall in the locker room a lot, a held by the throat till I was in tears. People would threaten my friends, and the few friends I had, were and are still very dear to me. One rumor lead to one of my "friends" beating me till I was bleeding from my mouth, and no legal action could be taken because the girl claimed she was defending her family. After getting pulled out of public school, I went to an online school, and the bullying got worse. People started saying I was pregnant, that I had killed myself [which I wasn't far off from it] that I moved...I became even more of an outcast and shunned everyone away. A year after leaving public school, my best friend killed himself. The bullying was too much for him to take...I went through a deep depression and stopped caring about school. Six months later, another friend was murdered by her boyfriend...the depression got worse. I locked myself in my room, drank, cut, and started smoking. The only thing that kept me alive was the thought that I was hurting, and I hated it and didn't want to make anyone feel the way I did. 

Less than 6 months ago, things started to get better. I found out that I'm a gendefluid, which means mentally, my brain can't choose which gender it wants me to be. I've found someone who is also a genderfluid, and we're currently together. I have one best friend, who I would do anything for, and she's proven she would do anything for me. She got tired of one girl bullying me and took action, even getting arrested by defending me. The only thing holding me back now, is the fear that people will start the bullying again...i'm turning 20 years old, and i'm scared to walk out of my front door in a small christian town.

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