"Move On" Inspire.
A friend that you look at their triumph and their battles won, and you obtain much more respect for them. I had this friend. I first met this individual while attending elementary school at "Holy Redeemer" located in Forest Heights.
We were not close friends at the beginning, however, after years we grew closer. When I was experiencing bullies in my younger years, he made me feel I was not alone. Only because he was also bullied, he was also judged and pushed around.
We looked upon each other for strength, I guess in a way he was like a brother in arms. We never really hung out outside of school, however, while we were in school we joked around and we always had a good time.
His name was Davor. He was very intelligent, very friendly, and was always a good shoulder to cry on. I never knew anything about his personal life, he always held that beneath his sleeves. He never wore his life on his sleeves, he was very personal, it was like he was a person with no history. It did not matter, as he was a very dear friend, I could always confide in him, always.
Davor was always so strong, he never allowed anyone to bring him down, it always seemed he was a happy kid. We lost connection when I graduated grade 6, Davor was a grade lower than me. However, we soon reconnected when he came to Bishop Kidd Junior High.
In junior high I was going through my own issues, I was growing to become very anti-social and isolated. I did not have much friends in my first year of junior high. I honestly believed I was going to be lonely all throughout junior high. However, when I passed on to grade 8, Davor was just beginning his Junior High voyage.
I was so excited when I saw Davor, I felt that he was a person who I can feel assured would have my back. Although, I was wrong. Being we were in different grades in a new school we branched off from each other. I was going through a phase where I wanted to not be myself to befriend the "cool" people, and I kind of turned my back on Davor. A decision I still regret to this day.
Therefore, we do not have much memories with each other in Bishop Kidd. When I moved onto High School I assumed Davor and I wouldn't ever cross paths again. However, I was proven to be wrong. When he arrived in grade 10, I was in grade 11. I remember I actually approached him at his locker and apologized to him. He reacted in a way that was a testament to his personality, he replied "not a problem, move on". He was such a forgiving kid. I loved that about Davor. Move on, thats what he always said to me.
It was while I was in grade 11 where I found out why Davor was always bullied and picked on, Davor told me he was homosexual, and has been since his elementary days. I was in shock. However, more importantly I felt so bad for him, not cause he was homosexual, however, cause he was bullied cause of it. It broke me apart when he told me this, I felt ashamed turning my back on him. However, once again he told me "move on, its ok".
Davor obtained all the respect I can ever give to someone, he was so tough. He was very proud of who he was, and never showed any weakness to the judgements or bullying he suffered. And for that he will always have my respect.
Davor and I built a close relationship again throughout high school, I would hang out with him during lunch hours and from class to class. Another thing about Davor was he was very intelligent in science and social, he was like a walking encyclopedia. I remember I once told him I felt stupid around him, and he told me something along the lines of "we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, what is my strength is me, and my weakness will be your strength". He was right, he was very intelligent, however, I was strong and tough, and this is why we were good friends, we jelled. Davor began to help me a little in the studies I struggled with, and I guess I was his bodyguard.
I felt I was doing a good job, as not many people were harassing Davor anymore (from what I knew). I was wrong, apparently Davor was getting bullied more so now ever since he told everyone of his sexual orientation. I was oblivious to it, possibly cause he never showed emotions.
I was now in grade 12, and Davor was in grade 11. I was still close with Davor, however, not as close as we were. During the summer we lost contact, and I assumed this was due to personal issues. I graduated grade 12, however, had to come back for 6 months to upgrade.
This allowed me to be in the same class as Davor. Science. Thank god, he was there as myself and Science do not get along all too well. He helped me out immensely. And I give him 50% credit for me passing the course, I feel if I didn't I would not be showing him his respects. I did not cheat off of him, I tired, however, he would not allow it. lol. However, he was a great tutor. He knew how to teach, he was so fluid and smooth with his speech, he knew how to speak to me in a way I could comprehend.
Davor and I would always laugh in Science, we always had a good time. I recall a time where Davor actually got in trouble. First time I guess for him, the goody good he was. Him and I were doing a project and I recall telling a joke, and he just burst out laughing, and not realizing how loud he was he said (pardon the language) "that was fucking funny!". Even the teacher was in disbelief, did Davor just say that? It was almost like the teacher was more interested in analyzing what just happened, as it took him what felt like minutes to actually speak to Davor about it. Good times.
Man he was a riot to joke around with. However, I did not know how hurt Davor was deep inside, I did not even consider he was hurting. He was always smiling, I did not know how his personal life was, how his home life was, or how he was. Davor recently just told his parents about his sexual orientation, and from what I heard they did not react in a supporting manner. Apparently, they lost it on him verbally.
I recall not seeing Davor for a couple days, I assumed he was sick, although truth was he was home and very depressed. It pisses me off I did not know this, it really hits me deep, I for sure would've offered a shoulder for him. There was a school play coming up, in which I recall Davor was apart of.
I assumed I would see him before this play, in which I did. He seemed fine. Truth was he was not fine, not in the very least. I was not at the concert, however, I heard when Davor did his act the gymnasium erupted in laughter, and people were making fun of Davor.
This part is the hardest part I will ever write. I arrived to school on this morning (I honestly cannot recall the date) normal. I was walking around, trying to figure who I wanted see, to hangout with. I did not see Davor anywhere, which was very odd. I went to science and all my other courses, still no sight of Davor.
I soon learned why, and it tore me down. I saw all Davors other friends in tears, a couple even screaming. I was so confused. One of our friends approached me, gave me a hug, and informed me Davor commited suicide. I broke down. I did not even see it coming. How the heck did I not notice one of my closest friends in need of help? I felt I let him down, I was so hurt, so lost, I did not know what to think, or even do.
I recall crying for so long, however, soon enough I was filled with anger. I recalled all the people I knew bullied and judged Davor. I had this intense anger, this thought process to go around find all these morons, and to beat them down. I was so angry. I felt I lost one of my closest friends to bullying, hell, I know I just lost a friend of mine due to bullying. I found one of the kids who I knew bullied Davor, and had to be held back. I wanted to hurt him. How did I calm down? Another close friend to Davor said "move on, it will not solve anything, Davor would not want this".
I then broke down in this persons arms, and I will not lie I gave the bully a middle finger, and told him to go to hell. I felt so much anger for so long, to this day I still think about Davor and feel I could have done something. Anything.
I now realize I am. I realize me pursuing troubled youth, and beocming a major speaker in anti-bullying I am doing something Davor would appreciate and respect. Davor was a friend who inspired me, a friend who helped me, and a friend who always put others before himself. He left us with the memory of "move on". For you Davor I promise to pursue this dream of mine, and I promise I will forever rememeber your statement "move on".
You will never be forgotten, and will always be remembered.
We all have that one friend that makes a significant difference and impact to our lives. Always cherish, always respect, and always hold those close to you. We all have a friend who will inspire us, cherish them. There is a reason you met them, there is a reason you get along so well. That reason is they were meant to be part of your life. These friends help mold you into who you become.
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.