The summer before I started high school I thought I had it all. My first boyfriend, J, my perfect group of 6 friends, football games, days at the pool, everything a 14 year old girl could ever want.
My "boyfriend" turned out to be a scammer. I found out from his best friend, I'll call him 'L', about a week after we started dating that he was also dating a girl who was 3 years older than us. Our relationship obviously ended and I thought my heart was broken. I thought it was because she was skinnier and prettier than me. I started to feel insecure about my body. But my friends were determined to keep me happy, so I continued on with my summer.
Towards the end of the summer, I started getting closer to L. My friends immediately disapproved, saying it was slutty and whoreish to date my ex boyfriend's best friend. But there was something about L, so we kept seeing each other secretly behind our friend's backs. School started and we'd text all day but never talk to each other in person during school. He'd come over almost every night and we'd sit on my front porch and talk.
The homecoming dance approached, and L asked me to go with him. I brought the idea up to my friends who freaked out..saying we had agreed to go with no dates and that everyone would judge me for being will L when he was my ex's best friend. I was confused, considering my ex was already dating a new girl..but I told L no and went to the dance with my friends.
L was my first kiss a few weeks later.
My older sister was sent to rehab for a drinking problem. L was there for me the entire time.
My freshman year went by normally. L and I hung out on and off but never dated exclusively. The next summer was the same. I dated a boy named C who turned out to be another dud. After C and I broke up I immediately rushed to L for comfort, and throughout my sophomore year he did the same with me when he had problems with other girls.
When my sophomore year started my friends started doing things as a group, without me. C and his new girlfriend also started hanging out with them a lot more. When I asked why, they would tell me that they really liked C and thought I was stupid to end it with him. Things started to get worse. They stopped talking to me completely. L and a couple other boys started to walk me to class because I was in constant fear of being slammed up against a locker or screamed terrible things at.
The last day before Christmas break, I was tripped in the main hallway and 6 pieces of chewed gum were spit into my hair. The administration did nothing. The police did nothing. My parents were enraged. They allowed me to leave school and I started attending an online high school. I pushed everyone away. I isolated myself to just my family. I changed my phone number.
I started self harming.
But oddly I started to feel better. I started working at a restaurant out of town and hanging out with some people who didn't know anybody I used to associate with. I finished my sophomore year, got my license, and everything was going great.
But I continued to hurt myself.
My junior year I started talking to J again. I'm not sure why. I suppose because I hadn't heard from L in awhile and I was lonely. During Thanksgiving break I was house sitting and I invited J over. He tried to get in my pants and I refused. He claimed he had a curfew and left less than an hour later, and I never heard from him again.
I finished my junior year and was elected Student Council President for my online school.
The first week of July before my senior year, L and I started hanging out more seriously. I felt really close to him but he was leaving for a week long trip to Jamaica. Before he left he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said I would give him an answer when he got back.
That week I was in the shower and my mom came into the bathroom to get something and saw my legs full of long, deep, brutal cuts. She took me to the ER. I had an intervention. I was hospitalized until I was deemed to be not a hazard to myself, which was about a week. I started therapy and even though I have relapsed a few times, I have had clean wrists and thighs for a year.
I told L no when he returned from his trip because I was going through too much. Hell, how was I supposed to tell him that yes I would be his girlfriend and oh, by the way, my text messages are being monitored because I am in the hospital on psychiatric watch.
After I went through some therapy and began to feel better L and I started to connect again. This was around the end of August. There was one problem though. He had started dating another girl. He and I hung out as friends but we continued to grow close. He and his girlfriend broke up and we continued to grow closer. We started dating officially October 6th, 2012.
He switched to online high school with me.
We both graduated in June.
We moved in together in July.
We are going on a year together!
I guess my moral of the story is if you are supposed to be with someone, they will stick with you through everything.
And also, don't be afraid to remove yourself from a harmful situation. If you are being bullied at school, there are so many other options!
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.