I've had clinical depression, anxiety disorder, ADHD, and bipolar disorder since I was in preschool. I was undiagnosed for years because I didn't want to be the kid who was different. I was raised to stand up for others but never myself. At school people started rumors I was anorexic and that I was a slut. Suddenly everything changed. I began hating my body and how my ribs would show. I started to only wear skirt so no one would notice the gap between my thighs. The friends I had one by one stopped asking me to come over. My best friend told everyone that I sent pictures to her boyfriend. As soon as guys heard that even when I said it wasn't true they wouldn't leave me alone. There were two types the guys who thought it was okay to sexually harass me and the ones who made fun of my under developed body. They would ask why I wear a bra if I don't have breasts. So I started to get "sick" alot and missed school. My parents moved me to a private episcopal school. The people there were very nice and the guys were nice too. I made friends and things got better. At least for a while. I decided to date a guy who had been a good friend there he was smart and understanding and kind and funny and i was really crazy for him. We dated for a year and as a dumb teenage girl i believed everything he told me he even gave me a ring and told me that if i slept with him are relationship would be even closer and more commited. That was a lie. He was cheating on me and left after i slept with him. I was heartbroken and humiliated. One night i was at a coffee shop and a group of girls came up behind me and told me they knew what i did with guys they called me and ugly slut and spit on me and hit me in the face and put frosting in my hair then laughed and took a picture. At a school of ten people it didn't take a day for everyone to know everything. I was outcasted and had a mental breakdown at school. No one cared that i was crying no one helped when i was lying on the floor. No one said anything when i started showing up to school with bandages wrapped around my wrists. No one cared when i didn't come back to school for two months because i overdosed. Knowing that no one cared made everything seem worse. My therapist told my parents to make me go back to school and not to transfer me. I went through six more months of wondering how i could get through the next class. I started to fail my classes which was a big change from straight A's. Not even my teachers tried to help me. I made it through passing by three points. I'm moving again to a bigger school. Maybe it will be different and i can start over. I found that in not the only one who feels this way. I've found a few other girls who have their own stories and don't make me feel guilty for being depressed. I promise that if anyone ever feels like no one cares and no one understands that i do and i wish i could heal all the pain i hear about and see. You're not alone i cant promise it get better because for me its only gotten different but I'm glad I'm here today. I just hope i can make a difference and heal some of the pain.
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