I'm the sort of girl who doesn't "act" like a normal 17 year old girl. I like to play in the dirt, go shopping for weird things like guy stuff, climb trees, and just act like a goofy guy... That was until my first week of kindergarten 11 years ago.. I have this disability, where, sometimes I can't stop talking and I talk about weird things, and on occasional, inappropriate things I hear about. I hated kindergarten and elementary school. I was always made fun of for being the trouble maker or the weird kid, I usually just brushed it off like any little kid does. I never told anyone, and I stayed quiet. By the end of the year I had actually hurt a few kids and gotten sent to the principals office. And that became the norm until first grade. Either I would lie to a teacher or hurt someone, I did not want to be in that class. Skip to second grade and I'm in a new teachers class. She was always fun to be around and I ceased being a problem. But it was just the calm before the storm. I started realizing people didn't want to be around me and I'd sit with the teachers during recess. I brushed it off as being "Well I guess people just want to play with people they are friends with. Maybe another time." A few months in everyone had created this.. Game? Called the "Lauren Touch." Where if I touched you in any way, you would develope this rash and you would have to go home from school sick. I was about six or seven, because my mom decided I should start school earlier in life, so I got really annoyed with it and I just told a teacher. She told the kids to stop and that was it, nothing more could be done. Skipping ahead to fifth grade that was probably the WORST year of my life. So there was this new girl, who didn't know me or want to take the time to even know me. I was a teachers pet in fifth grade, mostly because my teacher was a sweet grey haired old lady, I listened... Sometimes, but my mind was usually preoccupied with "How am I going to make friends? I haven't had any before." I don't know whether the new girl heard a roumer about me or what happened? But something happened and she hated me, she started leaving notes in my desk. "Better sleep with one eye open!" With a large eye in the middle. So I showed those to my teacher. "I'll have a talk with you and her we'll go to the counciling office." She put the paper down and we both went to the counciling office. After an hour of talking and, me crying, she said sorry, and I'm pretty sure she crossed her fingers behind her back. A few months later and everyone started avoiding me again, the "Lauren Touch" was back and it was ten times worse. Nobody sat with me at lunch, played with me, spoke to me, or even liked me. And then the threats returned only they were more threatening than ever. "Watch your back because you might get stabbed!" Now I felt threatened, I started to dread coming to school, people on the bus would call me fatty, throw paper at me, tease me, and belittle me. I had told my mom everything that was happening at school and she told the principal. But I still didn't get any resolve. I only had made two friends at this point... Because they knew that this girl was being a bully. They didn't mind that I talked a whole lot, or said weird things, they liked me because I was friendly and needed help. At the end of the year I had gained a few more friends, but they were HER friends too... But they threw me a party and I don't know who it was but someone invited the girl. She brought a home baked cake, nobody went near it, the thing reaked. Like rotten milk and eggs, reaked. I was sure the thing was poisoned so I steered clear. The rest of the party was normal, until I reached her gift. She pushed the bag to me and held her breath, "You really need this." She said with an... Almost airless breath? I opened the bag and inside was a big bottle of shampoo. By now I had started putting on deodorant and perfume, but to her I still stunk. I was a little offended by the gift but my mom told me to say thank you and move on. I was so glad when I was done with elementary school, but middle school wasn't going to be easy. And to make a long story short, same thing happened in middle school, I was teased and made fun of. Even my first boyfriend lied to me. He said that he fell in love with me for a dare. But he cheated on me when he really fell in love. By the end of middle school, I was emotionally torn. I just didn't know if I wanted to live anymore. I had become more reclusive, hidden, shy, and I stayed away from people. I sat all alone at my table. Eating in silence, and just left alone. I graduated middle school.. Just barely. But I had made it, I was on my way to high school. By now you would think the bullying would end, but on graduation day I asked a girl on Facebook, "Hey, what should I wear tomorrow?" An innocent question. But her reply was. "Black, black, and bloody b!tch, kill yourself, nobody fu****g likes you." I never told my mom... And I snapped there.. I graduated and I'm now in eleventh grade.. I started doing a few things my parents didn't want me doing, like a normal teen. Smoked a couple cigarettes in ninth grade, and a little dope. But only because the bullying continued there too, at this point in time I started to cut myself and had scars up and down my arms. I was just done with my life. I started drinking alcohol in tenth grade, but it didn't last long, I only drank two bottles and threw up. I had stopped smoking but I was still cutting. I wanted to feel something, something other than sadness and heartache. My mom noticed and I was sent to therapy.. I got the help I needed emotionally, but not completely. And that's just how it is. I guess I'll just be the girl who grew up... Different.
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.
Do you like this post?