I hope that once you finish reading this you'll feel somewhat motivated. Everyone says that middle school is rough for everyone, but for me it was more than that. In the 7th grade, I was bullied just about everyday. It wasn't something that was obvious, but gradually it took a toll on me. I am a skinny girl, I weigh 117lbs. At the time, I weighed about 100lbs. Just about everyone I knew told me that I was too skinny. Imagine being a pretty confident 12 year old girl and always hearing "you need to eat" "you're way too skinny" "you're like a walking skeleton!!" "anorexic" and many more. Being sensitive, it got to me very easily. I would wear baggy shirts so you couldn't see how skinny I was, I'd wear jackets to hide myself. It didn't really help that my parents we're planning to get divorced and my friends also told me stuff about my weight. This kept going on throught the 8th grade and my mentality was pretty bad. I felt so slone, mentally and physically. Nobody seemed to care what I did to myself, never did I feel loved. So many bad thoughts were in my mind. In the winter of 8th grade I began cutting myself. It wasn't something I planned to do, I just saw a blade and used it. Getting objects wasn't had considering my brother is a tattoo artist and owns many needles. I self harmed just about everyday from December 2012- May 2013 Once I counted the scars on my hips and I had about 200. I stopped that summer. Then I started to have a lot of self loathing. I Hated the way I looked. At one point, I had put a sheet over the mirror in my bedroom mirror so I wouldn't have to look at myself. I self harmed even more, and I didn't care if people saw. I'm not proud of all that I have done. It sucks having to wear long sleeves and to shower with fresh wounds. I play volleyball, so imagine having to dive with cuts on my wrists and hips. Many points this year, and last, I've tried to end my life. From nearly drowning myself to walking in front of a car. I stopped trying though. Self harming was just the way I could transfer the pain from inside of me, to the outside. No I don't recommend doing it. I'm doing just the opposite. I am currently going to be a sophomore in high school. I could've died twice, not counting the amount of cuts I had that nearly hit a vein. I'm doing well right now, I want to live and I'm in the process of recovery. My point in my story here is that, no matter what you've gone through I promise you are worthy of life and you are beautiful. Please don't harm yourself, you're worth so much more than that. Your body is so special, why ruin it? There are many ways to let out your pain. I've started to write in a journal, dumb but it honestly helps. You have friends who LOVE you whether you believe it or not. If you're ever feeling down, speak up. Be yourself and don't let anyone put you down. don't be someone you aren't. Many people are there for you, just open your eyes. I hope that you can realize that you deserve to live a beautiful and health life no matter if you're my age, or an adult or a boy or a girl. It's okay to cry and it's okay to hurt but don't dwell. If I can go from cutting self nearly every day for 6 months, to being 10 weeks clean, so can you. Just Stay Strong. Remember: Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.
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