Started bad, but started horrible

It started when I was 5. My life was going great, well for a 5 year old. I was liked a lot, well at least at school. I was a bully. I bullied these two girls physically. I regret it everyday I live. I stopped when I was 7 which was 2nd grade. The next year was great. Fourth grade came and things got bad for me. Everyone started hating me. I don't even know why. I didn't change over summer, my personality was the same. The whole 4th grade hated me. They started spreading rumors about me. I would speak my mind and always got into arguments. I would always be the one to get into trouble because I didn't have the knowledge or self-control I have now. The teacher was even on their side. A new girl came and it was a chance for me to make a friend. I befriended her and all was well for about a month. We were both dominate when it came to friendship. Let's just say our friendship didn't work out so well and she became kind of my enemy.

The next year school wasn't the problem. It was home. My cousins and sisters would harass me every time they came to town. It was always 5 against one. Fair right. I could never be myself with out doing something wrong. I figured my whole family hated me. I didn't think about suicide until sixth grade. It was pretty stupid actually. I got into trouble and everything that happened came back to me. I was standing against the wall and I started to hold my breathe. Couldn't do it. I have been seeking for someone who cares. Someone to tell me they are glad I'm here, so far, nothing. I befriended another girl which was a mistake.

She was cool until about a year ago. She seeks attention from the wrong people. She has problems at home and I help her with them but it seems she is never genially concerned about me. I've had suicidal thoughts but never been to the point where I wanted it.

I was just searching for someone who cared. Someone to be there for me when I needed them. Someone who won't judge me, but except me for who I am. Worst part is I go online to vent. Horrible when you have nobody to turn to. I'm such a horrible person that nobody would want to befriend me or be friends with me. Right.

Not you. You are beautiful and you should know I care. ever need to talk, message me. If I care then I'm pretty sure someone who actually knows you personally cares.


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