I was always alone. No one ever talked to me. My parents were both Hispanic people, so they hardly knew English. I know it's hard to believe I could remember my first time being bullied. I was in preschool. I don't know if this would be bullying but it did hurt me. Every time I would want to play with someone, they always leave me alone. Then there was first grade. I didn't know how to read or write or speak. Neither in English or Spanish. My teacher would leave me alone, while she took the non Hispanic kids with her. Second grade, this girl talked to me. I was happy to have a friend but I never realized that she was picking on me until the day I was sent to the nurse because she pushed me on floor and told me I was ugly. I would get bad grades because I didn't learn anything from my teachers. They would just leave me alone. The school tricked my parents into putting me in ESL (English as a second language) classes. I made friends there but I also had my cousin there. I was a happy girl. I loved my cousin so much, the idea of having her in my class got me happy, but she picked on me also. She would call me slow and stupid. She would also scream at me and call me names. One time her friends picked on me and she came to me and told me I'm an embarrassment to her and our family. I cried that day. Other people would also pick on me because I was a slow learner. They would call me retarded and stupid. Little by little the big smile i had on my face would start to fade away. Middle school was hell for me. I was not in ESL any more but I was in special education. I had a group of friends but i always got picked on because i started gaining weight so i was chubby. You're fat, ugly, gross, and stupid. I felt insecure. I didn't want to go to school any more. And on top of that my father was sent back to his country. The police officers took him away in front of me. I was scared. I wanted him back. But he never did. I would blame it on my self for being so ugly. One time this guy hugged one of my friends and i asked for a hug. He responded "eeewwww no I wouldn't do that even if I was payed". That hurt a lot. No one wanted to be seen with me. I have no idea why no one wanted to be with me. I became quite. I was used to being alone. So i stopped caring. I went to high school. I didn't care of what any one thought about me. So I wore what ever I wanted. Later every one thought i was weird. I would still get picked on. I gained a lot of weight and my bully because my mother. She would call me fat ugly gross other stuff I can not say. I felt on loved. So I decided for guys to use me. One would be my guy and then when they had it there way they would leave me. I was 17 at the time. I would fall in love with who ever came to me. Then later I began to have stretch marks on my body and i was ashamed of my self. I hated my self so much I began cutting my self. I hated every inch on my body. I had an image of me. I was ugly and fat and stupid. My mother would tell me it and every one i Knew would remind me it. I graduated early from college. I hated the world. I was the most negative person. College, the only time i was completely alone. My first year the cousin who picked on me was in my classes. She tried to pick on me but I stood up to her in high school so she backed off when I did it again. I told her I don't want to be seen with her. I said " your are an embarrassment to me and my reputation". Later that year she dropped out of college. My second year of college. I met this group of people. In that group I met a guy. I played him tho since all the guys played me. But again the guy I was hooking up with used me and left me. I broke the new guys heart so he claims. He found out I wasn't with any one and they guy who he thought i was had another girl. He was supper happy and took his chances with me. I would still get picked on. They would call me really bad names. But the group of people who decided to be my friends took a stand for me. It felt weird because I was so used to being alone. And now 10 months later. I'm still with the guy who took his chance with me. I stopped caring for what my mother wants and I took a stand on the people who bullied me. I became positive and the guy reminds me of how beautiful I am even with my flaws. I'm still insecure about me self but i feel happier. The smile that was wiped out of my face came back. I love everyone who is in my life. And no. I'm not stupid because if I was, i would have dropped out of college. I'm smart and I will succeed in life. I only needed friends. This group may be small but they all care for me. Especially that guy who took his chances with me and now we are both happy together :)
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