It was strength, I guess that got me though in the end, or maybe it was fear to give up at a such a young age. And although I am so much stronger then I was back then, my heart still slows down and my stomach turns when I think of all the times I was bullied. I can't remember a day without getting called names (like fat, ugly, b*tch or s*ut, ect.) being harassed in the halls, in class, even at home on the Internet, being threatened on a daily basis, and even physical abuse. It all starting with the constant name calling, that I never really though much of. I though people just didn't like me that much and the name calling would eventually just die down. My even to this day I am known to be and extrovert and I'll use my mouth. I'm not one to put up with stuff for long. And of course when I was younger, I never knew when the time was right to open my mouth. Kids would call me names and I would react right away, probably calling them something back. Eventually that name calling progressed pushing me around physically. I can remember I would come home with buries on me arms and red marks/slashes on my face, and my mother would ask me what happened? I would tell her something along the lines of, "oh I just tripped and fell" or "someone accidentally hit me by accident, or even "my friends are just 'joking' around with me and slapped me". But really what was going on was them taking advantage of me and shoving me punching me slapping me kicking me and pushing my into walls. I never told my mom even to this day that's indeed what happened, but she eventually caught on. She's too smart to let that stuff slip. She would report it to the school, and the school would tell my mother " I was instigating the bullies". But the cliques got tighter and I was caste out. Not to mention during this whole time of being beaten down, I was in the process of getting diagnosed WITH A RARE LIVER DISEASE! Doctors never believed me and the kids would think it was hilarious that I would fold over and start crying in class because of horrible abdominal pain. Or they would think it's funny that I would pass out in the middle of school and start seizing. It didn't stop the kids from bullying me, the doctors not believing me, and the administrates from just sitting there watching me go through it all by myself. I had no one in eight grade. Not one friend to stand up for me. Even my own family didn't believe me. My mother was the only one who stood by me from day one. She was the one that took me in and adopted me after all. Any ways after so many months of people name calling me and pushing me around I starting trying to stand up for myself even more. It back fired. The threats starting pouring in over facebook, saying "they'll put me in the hospital". My principal would ignore the emails that my mom sent to warn him this was going on and I would walk into school with my stomach in knots and a hard hit in the stomach. They beat me up so bad that I did end up going to the hospital, but was suspended along with he girl who beat me up. With in a few days of coming back to school from my suspension another threat headed my way. This time I would fight back. I walked in with my head up high but walked out broken. I got beat up once again from yet another girl. Facebook posting, cheering on the bullies, congratulating them, and thanking them for fighting me. I finally knew I was never going to be excepted. I got suspended once again. When I was able to go back to school, the school put an assembly together about cyber-bullying leading to suicide. Not to long after that did I plan my escape, My liver disease started acting up a week before I attempted suicide. I took a week off from school till I felt better. But when I walked into school that Friday, I remember having a plan. I walked into the lunch room at lunch time. Tied my sweatshirt around my neck in front of everyone and pulled it tighter and tighter till I started blacked out. The ambulance was called but the school cancelled it, because they got me to stop, and restrained me. They waited for my mother to come get me and after that day I never once stepped in that school again. I went to the hospital that night for a suicide attempt and I got the help that I need. I have marks from razor blades and marks from the emotional abuse still. But tattoo's saying RISE ABOVE to hide the scars and remind what I've been through. My names Jill and I over came the struggle you can too! Rise Above Forever And Always <3
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