My gay story

When I was really young I was bullied a lot, it wasn't by people at school thou. It was by my brothers and sisters. They called me many names and at first if just brush it off and laugh with them. But after awhile I started to believe what they would say to me. I thought I was stupid, ugly, a bad dresser, dirty, and a few others. When I was about 7 years old, I was raped by my older sister's husband's 15 year old son. Only two people know about it, one is my youngest big sister Krystal, and the other is my nephew Gabriel. When I was raped I didn't really know what was going on. All I knew was that it hurt. No one ever found out but once my youngest older brother saw my rapist making me touch him in his places. My brother didn't tell anyone, he made fun of me. He called me gay and fag, I didn't think nothing of it because I didn't know what those words meant. When I was 8 I was out into foster care, most of the homes I was put in were great. All except one. Now this home was horrible, not only because of the people but also because of the school. I was bullied relentlessly at school. And it wasn't only emotional abuse. The kids would like to hit me, they said it's because my parents didn't want me. I hated that school. The home life was another horrible place for me. The mom barely fed me and the other kids ignored me. The father raped me. By this time I knew that rape was bad, I cried and told him I would tell someone, and he hit me and threatened my life. He said he'd kill me and I wouldn't see any if my family again. He raped at least once a weak from than to about another two months, when my dad got me out of foster care. No one knows about that. I haven't told anyone because I doubt anyone would care about something that happened so long ago. Well when I started living with my dad it was great. My dad loved me and my stepmom was the sweetest woman in the world. By the time I got into 7th grade the bullying started again. People calling me ugly and gay/fag. It didn't stop till just recently when I moved to another city. (By 6th grade I knew I was gay) while I was being bullied in the 7th grade I fell into depression. I started cutting and making myself throw up, I burnt myself a lot and I shut everyone out. Apparently no one noticed my depression, no one noticed my sadness. I felt alone. Recently I got into a relationship with someone who's demons match mine (or so he says) but this boy kept me from attempting to commit suicide. He made me smile and laugh. He brought out happiness in me that I thought I lost. However recently he started to stop talking to me and he full out ignoring me. A few nights ago I was texting him and he accidentaly sent me a text that was meant for someone else It said "I fully understand that we aren't the most comfortable talking like this, our humour defense mechanism kicks in so we don't sound stupid. But let me fucking tell you before i fuck it up that I love you so much and i can only imagine myself loving you more as you love yourself more. Sorry for lengthy texts lmao fucking dork" then he said "oh f$Ck wrong person" I asked him who it was and he said it was his sister because she was sad about her exams... I knew he was lying and I can't help but think that he is cheating on me. At this thought I knew I wasn't good enough for him. I'm not good enough for anyone. I cut myself 30 times in all. 17 in my left arm and 13 on my right thigh. I don't see how my life can get any worse but I'm still here. I don't plan on leaving for anyone. If I can get through all of the stuff I've been through than I'm pretty sure you can to. I know we all feel different but your not alone. Stay strong and be happy (I just wanted to share my story with someone

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  • commented 2016-08-16 01:01:56 -0400
    Who ever you I hope you are not alone hardships might make you stronger but may leave scars mentally and physically and emotionally there May always be that one person that gives you hope and if there is not pease don’t lose hope I would want to support you guys