When I was young, I was bold. I remember my first day of kindergarten. There was a single girl across the room, holding a chair like a lion tamer. All of the other kids were on the opposite side of the room. I asked why. ONe person answered, that's Heather. She's mad because her mom held her back a year, and didn't tell her. I walked over to Heather and got her to talk to me. I calmed her down and from then on, whenever she saw me or I her, we remembered that time. I don't know how or why I changed from that girl to one cowering in fear, having near panic attacks at the idea of going to class that day. I'm not sure when or how my peers knew it, but they decided that I was not like them, and that it would be hilarious to torment me. They put gum in my hair, made fun of me for various reasons, I was a late bloomer, so they would tell me things like my bra would fit better if I wore it backwards. I was shoved into lockers, gum was put into my hair... It became so bad that my teachers started in on it. One incident involved the girl behind me harassing me so much that I stood up in class, and pushed her chair as far away from me as I could. My spanish teacher took me out into the hall, left the door open so all of the kids could hear, and proceeded to ask me questions that basically insinuated that she thought that I had anger issues. When I moved to a far larger school my junior year, it was wonderful. Nobody cared who I was. I was so insignificant that they didn't bother to bully me. It was wonderful. To this day, I feel the scars. I try to remember that the brains of most of my bullies were not fully developed in the frontal lobe area. These bullies did not know that I would feel this forever. They did not know that because of this bullying, my brain learned to fear. My brain learned to be sad. I now am bipolar, and while I do not, nor can not blame this entirely on bullying as I had a genetic predisposition to it, I believe that it definitely played a part. What I truly want others to know is that, this period of your life, where you believe that you can no longer handle the abuse, humiliation, hurt etc, it will end. Once you enter college you will form new friends. You will learn that your desperate need to fit in as an adolescent, doesn't matter. No one will care if you are the nerd or the prom queen. In fact nerd becomes a name to be proud of. I am a nerd, I tell people readily. I am proud of this. I finally went back to college, and I no longer intentionally attain C's to fit in, I'm proud when I get A's. Be who you truly are, and don't allow others to take that away. What's funny is that every year in high school I would have others sign my yearbook, and that is what they would inevitably write. Be yourself. Don't change. You will survive, and what others think of you truly doesn't matter.
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.