Anyone who has ever met me would probably say that on the outside, I probably look like your usual shy, quite, happy go lucky girl. But those who really know me would tell you that's only about half true. As a child, yeah that's about right, but then reality set in and so did the bullying. From the start of 2nd grade to the present day I have always been bullied by my peers. Be it about my size, weight, clothes, hobbies, you name it they said it. All my life I've always been considered thicker and taller than the average girl..... and nobody ever let me forget it. There would literally be times when I would sit at lunch in a corner and cry or starve myself because I didn't fit that modelesque picture that was considered the everyday norm. And you would think the worst offenders would be my peers bt, sadly, they were not. Not only was I dealing with the teasing and nit picking of my peers but ,on top of that, I was also dealing with an alcoholic of a mother, her selfish "fiance", an emotionally unattainablel father, my parents divorce, and the sexual assault of a close relative. Things at home were not easy to say the least. And they only seemed to get worse when my mother decided she was gonna have us live with her. There would be days when I would fear comin home because I never knew what mood she was going to be in. She wasn't ever physically abusive. Just emotionally and mentally. She was the starter of the whole weight thing. She would always have something to say about my size or come up with some "diet" plan for me to follow. Even once forcing me to take a laxative. Sometimes she would be so drunk that she would sit there and cry saying that nobody loved her. I would always sit there and say I did but she always said it wasn't the same or it wasn't good enough. And at the time I believed her and the kids at school. To them I wasn't good ebough, or thin enough , or pretty enough or just enough. Then I moved in with my dad. Things got a little better but the teasing at school never ended. It got so bad that I would come home and sit in my room, crying. Around this time was when my youngest brothers decided it would be fun to join in the teasing. Finally I made the dumbest and the hardest desicion ever. I took up cutting. It was the only thing that kept me sane, the only thing I had control over. I even almost attempted suicide once but nobody found out, nobody seemed to care enough to. For years I dealt with my losing battle for cutting. Thhe only thing that got me to finally stop, well I should say the only person who got me to stop, is my current bestfriend. He makes everything just that much eawsier to handle. Even to this day I still struggle with the cutting addiction and with the bullying but, its a lot easier to handle...... that is until the wrong people find out my secret.... which is that I'm lesbian.
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.
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