Alone

It started when i was 7, i was different i enjoyed playing outside and climbing trees while other did play dress up, i was called fat worthless, ugly. Art age 7 i did get depresserd. Long story for short in 12 i did get anorexia, i started to be what others told me and i started selfharming. Now i am 18 all that bulluying still hurts so much, i have been in hopital treatment two times. I am healing. I have founded myself i have stopped self harming. But theres still things going on my bff died in january that caused me to try suicide i did speak up in time before i died. I have lost 10 people in " year. I have helped others people to stand up. I was bullied 11 years all that time i was alone everyone avoided me like i was something bad. I hated that. I tried suicide 10 times. Until one day i was cutting in dorm house. I walked on the bridge and as i was ready to jump someone grabbed me. He did make me listen one song and promised to help me. That he did. IHe did teach me to be myself infront of others. He didnt mind i was depressed anorexic who selfharmed. he became my big brother. When i did get out of hospital his parents called to me. He was founded dead. That did broke me and next day i did found out that my bf cheated on me while i was in hospital. Then i got news my mom would have to go to heart surgery. After this everyone did say its oeky but i have to act normal continue school. I did drown myself to school work. only way to let the pain out was trought cutting other way i was happy girl who was good student and inside i was dying. I didnt have friends at this point so i couldnt talk to anyone. Then one day i snapped i cutted too deep on my anckle.  Teacher rushed me to hospital it was night.  I realized i need help again. I did go to treatment this time for self harming and depression. And i did reveal my secret to my nurse. You should know that in treatment everyone has that one or two own nurse that will mainly take care of you. I told them i was molested by my own relative at age 7. Only those two knows plus my fiancee and now readers in here.  They helped me to get over it. Oh and boyfriend i mentioned earlier i did broke up with him. They told me to join in one group on fb. It was BVB group, in there i did met one guy who is now my fiancee. I am healing but battle with anorexia is tiring.  Now i want to help others so they dont have to suffer.

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