iIt all started right before the first day of 7th grade i really wanted these shoes and me and my best friend both wanted them so bad. She ended up getting them right before me. The Friday before school started i saw her and my other really good friend at the mall and she was waring them and i asked her where she got them from and she said journeys' and before i left she said "Kayla don't get the same pair!" But i did as left the mall i texted my friend and said i got the same shoes as you i am really sorry i loved them and they had my size. SHe was so angry with me and all my other friends started texting me saying "why the heck would you do that?!?!?" and "come on Kayla you know she had the same pair??" I was really hoping it would blow over by Monday but i was complete wrong. That first day of school was the worst first day of school ever i walked in my middle school (waring the new shoes) not knowing what to expect and none of my friends would talk to me and i asked why and they said that "well we never really liked you and you have been really mean lately" and that was it they weren't my friends. But i knew there was another reason because i was a lowly friend i did everything for them they meant the world to me. SO i had survived most of my first day and then lunch came i had no idea where to sit because i had basically isolated myself within my group of friend. But now they were no longer my friends. SO i just thought i would sit where ever my twin sister sat. WEll she sat with them so i had no where to sit o i sit alone with some of the girls who lived in my neighborhood. That was one of the longest days of my life but finally in was over and i got to do it all over again. the weeks went on and i got closer to some of my old friends we were on and off and i made some new fiends with some people that went to my elementary school and i played soccer with some of them when i was little. But it was like a roller coaster once things got better and i felt on top of the world things would go down again and i would lose my friends. So i did the unthinkable something i never thought would ever do i started to cut like all the time everyday everywhere. Arms, Wrist, Thighs,belly,hips ect. I would come home everyday crying from getting tortured at school and my twin wouldn't care she was still friends with them and eventually even my new friend decide to leave me and go hang out with my old friends and i was all alone again. So i would cut even more and i would because i was sad and then i would mad at myself for cutting and it would be like a never ending cutting cycle. I wouldn't cut so that i would leave scars but just enough to feel pain. SO i was about half way through my 7th grade year of ups and downs and my parents found out that i was being bullied because i would come home crying everyday but they didn't find out about my cutting yet. So at this point of the year i did the some of my friends back and it was going pretty good and then i got called in to the councilors office and she asked me if i cut and i said yes and they had to called my parents and it was horrible i felt so psychico and different and no one new what i was going thought no one understood why i was doing it and honestly i didn't really no ether. So things were going good but me and the girl who i got the same shoes as were still not friends and on top of her going to my school and being mean she deiced to come to my dance studio to and she is an amazing dancer. So she was in all of the old girls groups and i wasn't. At one of are competitions after everyone found out about the cutting. I was telling one of my good friends about everything that happened and she found out and started crying i dont know why but she was. One of her friends pulled me out of the dressing room where she had been crying and told me to stop being mean and to be nice and stop talking about her friend like that. acting as if i was the bullier and she was the victim ever though it was the other way round and i wanted to show her my cuts so bad and be like "Honestly the girl in there is crying right now but who's the real victim the one who is bullied everyday????" But i didn't. So the night went on i left early didn't talk to anyone just stayed by myself. Eventually because of my cutting my parents wanted me to go to a therapist which was my worst nightmare and made me feel even more crazy. But i did to make my mom and dad happy but i only went 3 times because i hated it so much. So now it is the last two weeks of school mostly everything is good i am doing good it was i pretty good moth and all hell breaks loose . At this point i have most all of my friends back and then for some reason i lost them all again i was heart broken and i wanted to die. I wanted to die so bad but i wasn't going to because i knew that it was going to have to get better and it eventually did by the end of the summer and i am so happy i didn't kill myself because i would have mist out on so many good times. So for anyone who read this i just wanted to let everyone know that it dose GET BETTER!!!!!! this time last year i wanted to die and kill myself but now i couldn't be more happy i have amazing friends who i can trust a great loving and supporting family and god. thank you for reading follow me on insta @kaylammorgan
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