I never knew how much bullying affected me. When I was about 12 years old my family moved to a new state. I had to start at a new school and had no friends and no one to talk to. I was small and skinny and a bit of a late bloomer. This on top of being the new kid made me a prime target for bullying. I wanted to be outgoing on my first day of school and try and make one friend that day. I remember at lunch time I tried to sit with a group of kids I didn't know, in the cafeteria. When I sat down to initiate even some small talk, one of them said something very mean and vulgar to me. I had never been spoken to like this before and it shocked me! even more it hurt! Sometimes when people use the expression "that really hurt me", we tend write it off as just hurt feelings to an offense, but I remember that day feeling actually and physically hurt by those words, deep inside me. It sounds silly but its true. That was the beginning of a long road. I was kicked, punched, bruised, attacked, trash canned, shoved into lockers, wedgied, insulted, and assaulted emotionally and physically. I remember certain people that I thought were my friends, who turned on me, and denied to other kids, being my friend. It hurt. It still hurts. not as much now, but it still hurts. It went on for years. I tried everything but it never stopped. after a while I grew numb. I learned to just deal with my problems and ignore the pain I felt, but it was always still there. I suppose that what got me through it was my faith in God. I was fortunate to be raised by a mother and father that taught me that I was a son of a Heavenly Father who loved me. He knew the pain I was feeling and the trials I had to face and he gave me the strength to endure them. After I graduated I realized that life is so much bigger than just high school or junior high. I didn't need to feel badly about being myself because most people are relatively the same. We are all capable of feeling things the same as anyone else and worrying the same as anyone else. we're all just trying to get through our days, weeks, and months with as much happiness as we are able to invite into our lives. I look back to those few years of pain that I had to endure and I didn't think that they affected me that deeply. When I think about some of the mean things people did to me I get tears in my eyes. Not because of how much they hurt me but more because they were so willing to hurt me and others. It makes me so sad to think that they were willing to selfishly seek some false sense of security at my expense. However, as insane as it may seem, I am grateful for that time in my life. Do Not get me wrong! I don't believe that anyone should ever have to go through that kind of pain and humiliation. However, I am now able to look upon life and know how utterly and direly important it is to be kind to one another. Kindness is such an amazingly powerful and valuable thing! It will get you anywhere you need to go, and it is as easy to use as simply making the choice to do so. I don't know if there is any wisdom in anything I've written down here, but I know that life is all about trials. How we deal with them is what makes us who we are, and so isn't it that much more important to to deal with our trials by being kind to others so that we can make the trials of life that much easier for them to carry? I am 28 years old now. I have a beautiful wife who loves me, a good job, food to eat, and a roof over my head. I have alot to be happy about and I am. But I cannot deny that I am affected to this day by what I went through as a kid. As happy as I am and as good as life is, the hurt is still there, and probably always will be. That is why I believe it is SO important to just be kind. Why would anyone want to share that kind of hurt with anyone else?
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