I was the quiet kid who sat alone and never spoke.  I didn't do anything to anybody but the other kids would call me names and throw things at me, my very first year of secondary school was a nightmare that just continued.  I'm lucky in that I had a few friends, we were a bunch of misfits but we had each other and thats all that mattered.  I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for them they saw me at my lowest and were there to try cheer me up.

I turned to self harm when I was 12 years old because I felt I had no one else to turn to, my parents would have listened but I was always too scared to talk and put into words the way I felt, I blocked those out who tried to help.  To most teachers I faded too easily into the background.

Because I was quiet, no because I am quiet I am assumed to be rude and thought to be weird when the truth is speaking up and talking is terrifying for me.

On that very first day of secondary school if someone had come over and said hi and been nice I think things would have been a lot different.  What happened through my school years still affects me to this day.  People still assume the same things of me now though it's easier and people are generally more understanding, I have started seeking help for my problems and have recently went through cognitive behavioural therapy and started taking anti-depressants for social anxiety and depression.

I never let anything beat me I still went to school and never missed a day because of anxiety and fear and faced it all head on even when I was a quivering mess inside.  The bullies and other people in my life always made me feel that being quiet is wrong and I must have been some weirdo freak if they thought I was, I felt so alone.  The truth is though that I wasn't alone there are other people like me and being quiet is not wrong, this is only something that I have learnt this year!

To those kids, the quiet ones, like me, who are terrified to talk and it is affecting their lives as much as it did mine I urge you to seek help for it now so things will be easier later in life when that isn't a struggle you have to face.  The sad thing is we become targets for bullies who pick out anyone different, just don't let these things beat you, it can be fixed and school is not forever.  There are always struggles in life but this one can be beaten.

To others out there reading this if there is a kid in your class who always sits by themselves and doesn't talk so you don't bother with them be nice to them smile.  Maybe start a conversation and be understanding if they find that difficult it might make their day or maybe make them feel for that moment that they are worth something more than just a wallflower.

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