Tough ride , safe journey .

I have been bullied all threw 1st grade to sophomore year.  When i was younger , not only did my bullies went to my school, they lived nearby and went to the same day camp.  How can you escape that??? it was hard, walk a different way to and from school, avoid, avoid, avoid !  I grew up not trusting anybody, angry and suicidal in a young age. My mother work late and when i was at my dads he work late also, i was on my own.  My mom tried counseling , i hated that, Who is this person? why do i have to talk to them??   I felt misunderstood and a freak. I didn`t understand why i was pick on, i wasn`t fat and yet i been called a pig, i wasn`t sick  and yet i was told i had a disease , Why?  I was quiet and was in special ed , and i guess that was all the reason children had to make my life a living hell.   I would make friends and soon they found out that i was in a special class , they stop hanging around me.  I have been chased on my bike, lost friends , called names and all because i was different. Going to audlts didn`t work, they just told me to ignore it, that never works. Well, i learn in a young age to stand up for my self and to never be like them . I befriend the outsider and was proud to be one also.   It is hard to love who you are when negitive people are around you putting you down, you need to tell yourself that you are better then them cause you don`t need to put others down to make yourself feel better, that took along time to see that .  have to remember, when you get angry and lash out, they win, you don`t want them to win, the reason why they are being bullies is not your fault.  When you get older , you get to understand, that your bullies or bully is being bullied them self, there is always a reason why someone acts a cretin way.  You don`t have to figure that out, but, sometime it helps to talk to your bully, ask, why are you bullying me? takes to be bold, but, can`t hurt.   If nobody is going to stand up for you, you have to do it yourself, but, pick your battles.   I found coping skills , talking it out, music, walking, writing it out, ect, all works.  Forgive, let it go, live your life !!!

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