The worse years of my life

First, I want to apologyze if I make any mistakes, English is not my native language.

I want to tell you my story of the worst days of my life and, even if it sounds cliché, I also want to tell you that it DOES get better!!

I was an unwanted child, my mother told me that long enough: she only wanted boys. My father is very violent and he never allow me or any of my siblings to be kids, he was very represive. At age 5 I was sexually abused by my uncle, so I started to cry a lot, every day. My mother hated that, she never asked me WHY did I cried so much, she and my father just focused on how annoying that was; so they punished me and made me feel even worse.

When I started elementary school, I had no friends. Since I had so many problems at home, teachers tought I had a learning problem, so I started assisting special needs classes. My parents were really disappointed, since my older brothers where really smart. At the age of 7, one teacher started to abuse me sexually (and didn't stop until I was 14). That made me even more quiet.

When I was in 4th grade I had the worst teacher ever!! She started bullying me in front of the class, because I was "stupid", I was "poor", and so many other things; somehow, in a way I still don't understand, she enjoyed my suffering at the point of calling my mom to school to tell her I did horrible things so I would be punished at home too. Since the teacher was doing so, all my classmates start harrasing me, calling me names, destroying my things, making fun of me all the time. My crying was so bad, every nigh I  just arrived to my bedroom and cry my self to sleep.
On highschool, things went worse!! I started getting weight and having acne. Everyone told me I was awful, even my mother. I remember she once told me that my face was disgusting and that nobody would like to touch it EVER!!! I had no control over that, it was something I did not want to have. I guess no teenager likes having acne...

I thought about suicide, I REALLY DID!! I felt like no one was on my side, that no one loved me. Everytime I saw girls with their mother, I was SO JEALOUS! They looked so perfect, so beautiful, so loved. I was depressed all the time, wondering what could I do to have some friends, how would it feel to talk to someone about so many things.

Thank God, when I was 15 I entered a different school. The first change: One teacher told me I was really smart! Smarter than most kids... Figure that! She started to spend time with me, talking to me... being nice to me. I had a fresh start there... until a girl acused me of stealing her. Since I was the new girl, so many people believe it and start calling me names because of that. But, in that dark place, a really nice girl came to me and told me she did not think I steal anything, and she told me that what other teens where doing to me was wrong. She was my first real friend AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! 10 years now of being friends.

That nice girl helped me a lot, talked to me a lot, made me laugh, introduce me to new people. I graduated highschool with honors, with the doors opened in any university I wanted to go and I had like 3 solid friendships. That might not sound like a lot, but it was great for me!

When I was 20, I had a really life changing experience. I earned a scholarship to study in Germany, and I took it (against my parents' will). On that year, there was the first time some one told me I was pretty. Imagine that! Being 20 and no one in my entire life told me I was PRETTY! I still had some over weight on and acne on my face... but suddenly some how a lot of people (men and women) started telling me I was beautiful, and that I had a nice body. It felt really strange, but it was magical... somehow, without even trying I started losing weight and my acne got better!

When I came back to my country, everything went better! I had confidence on my self, I knew I was smart, I knew I was pretty!! I graduate with honors from university too! And since the day I graduated until now I have always had a job and being a leader. Now I'm the national director of a company, the youngest they ever had and I'm doing great!!

I have to confess that I still struggle with a lot of things from my past, I still have problems trusting a boy and sometimes I look at my self and question if I'm actually attractive... but now I know better, and try to focus on the bright side ALWAYS!!

There's a thing about me: I have never celebrated my birthday. Sine it's my mother's birthday also, we always celebrated hers since I was a child. So, now that I am a grown woman, I don't know how to react on my b-day. I'm working on it... maybe next year I can have a cake and a party like everyone else!

As in for my parents, I don't talk to my father at all because when I finally told him I was sexually abused so many times, he told me that was bullsh*t and that he didn't believe it. With my mother, I try hard and work on our relationship, although I live far away from her; she realized what she did to me, she went to so many psychologist and apologized to me, told me: I made mistakes with all my children, but I know that I hurted you the most. Takes courage to say something like that and to try to improve the relationship, that's why I allow her to be part of my life.

I really think that the lesson here is:
For the people who gets bullyed - Stay strong! What people say about you is not accurate! You can have a great, wonderful life! And soon enough, find people who appreciate you for who you are!
For the Bullies - You never know what's happening on other's people life; maybe they are having a hard time and you are making it worse!! Violence is never the answer and you will eventually regreat being mean to someone.
For parents - Listen to your kids, spend time with them, LOVE THEM, don't be a bully yourself. The fact that you were thiner, smarter or what ever when you were younger, doesn't mean your kid has to be too!! Support them in their decisions!! And a girl/boy crying all the time, indicates she/he needs your help RIGHT AWAY!!

Love to all :)

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