The innocence of a child

My story begins when I was in preschool, with friends who were controlling, and opinionated. From preschool, my confidence in myself was already almost non-existent. I was always the scared, shy one, who stood back and watched everyone else. When all the other little kids would get up and dance at parties or concerts, I would be the one too shy to move from her seat, despite a longing to join them. When others would make up fairy stories, I was the one who stayed quiet, too scared to give my opinion. When I was 4, I entered school for the first time. I was lucky in that the only friend I made was someone who, although also controlling, protected me from the others. This all changed when she moved to Canada at the beginning of year 1.

Now, there was one girl in my grade who everyone looked up to, me included. She was your typical athletic, pretty popular girl. I, being the naive, shy little girl, fell into her friendship group. But i was never her friend, although she was mine. My memories of this time are a little hazy, but I do remember that I used to come home every second day in tears, because this 'wonderful' girl who I looked up to didn't like me. At first it was little things, you know, making me do all the little tasks such as putting their rubbish in the bin, making me hit myself with sticks and other implements so that they'd let me be friends with them- those sorts of things. But gradually things changed for the worse. Eventually, she started to touch me in ways no one should. We were only 6 at the time. Some days, I wonder what must have happened to her, that she would hurt another kid this way at the age of six. Some days, I wonder if it really happened at all. 

During this time, I had always dreamed that some prince would ride in on his white horse and save me- after all, that's what the fairy tales taught us. No matter what she did to me this dream would remain. But overtime, I realised that no one was coming to save me. I had to save myself. 

I let this one girl, and her group, steal so many years of my life. Now, at 15, I've realized that it's time to let go. Yes, it happened. Yes, it was horrifying. Yes, it's something no one should have to go through. But I can't live in the past anymore, and afford missing out on the present. Because the world really is a wonderful place, if only we are able to see it. 


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