suicide or violence

I started getting bullied in 8th grade it was bad but only to get worse! By the time I was n highschool I was getting beat up they threatened me wit a knife and said theyd cut out my tongue to keep me quiet this happened in the highschool bath rooms and the principal did nothing about it. This all happened before columbine. Thank god there is more out about bullying! then my family was getting threatened,phone harassment threatening to burn house down,and harm us so had to tap our phone lines. They keyed all our cars,no one wanted to b my friend because then they wood receive the same harassment I received! My father was n denial and told me to ignore it and it would go away RIGHT! while mom was opposite 'beat their ass' I was terrified of these people.I couldn't fight them there were too many of them. I was alone, depressed,suicidal and worst of all,all I could think of was how to kill them and then kill myself! I felt so damaged and worthless! I have diabetes,lupus,rhumatoid arthritis and worst of all I'm bipolar with PTSD due to all the bullying and I suffer from other pshyc problems. My doctors told my mom to get me out of this situation or I could go into coma due to high blood sugars or even suicide or even worse horrible violence! Thank god my parents had the funds for my mom and I to move from a very small town to the city to finish my junior and senior years. It saved my life and possibly others! Today I'm 42 and still hv terrible self esteem issues along wit others personal issues. I have got to let it go, I'm a believer in god, and I pray but I can't seem to let it go any advice?

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