I moved to a certain school in second grade. Everything was fine. I got along with just about everyone.&.i didn't get in any trouble or fights/arguments. I didn't exactly have a bestfriend, but I had people to talk to.&.i was fine with that.
But, that all changed in third grade. I didn't know what I was doing that's was so wrong to get called the names people would call me. I was still as friendly as I was in second grade. I didn't say/do anything wrong. Then everyone started calling me "fat", "ugly", "stupid", "dumb". And I didn't say/do anything back...I didn't know what to do..
In fourth grade, i had about 3 (what i thought were) bestfriends. But I went to school one morning and I tried to walk towards them, they all just backed up and looked at me weird. So I said "what? What's wrong? Why wont you talk to me" one of them spoke up and said "we know what you have an we don't wanna be around you anymore!" I just stood there and stared, speechless. I had no clue what they were talking about, I had to find out from someone else. I asked someone what was wrong with them and why they didn't want to be around me and they said "you have lice, and your really nasty!" I didn't know what to say or do..I had no one at this point.. i STILL didn't do anything wrong and STILL got called all those names and a few more. In the middle of that school year, a girl moved to my school, she was really quiet and she was going through all the things I had been going through. So I decided to talk to her. We became bestfriends, and we're for about 5 years..
Fifth grade wasn't to bad, I got called a few names..
Sixth and seventh grade were the worst years of my life. I never said anything wrong to anyone. But for some reason, I got bullied. A lot. I still had the bestfriend from 4th grade. I knew I could tell her anything, but for me..it wasn't that easy. I liked to keep things like that to myself. I was afraid she would turn against me if I really told her how much it actually bothered me. I couldn't take it anymore, I was at my breaking point I went to the thing I didn't want to... Everyday after school I would sit in my room and cry for hours...tears...and blood..on my shirt and all over my arms and legs would be cuts..I really didn't care if I died at that point, I didn't even wanna be alive. The pain, it felt good. It was the only thing that helped me. It made me feel...relived..
But, they got worse.. Deeper, more blood, more tears, More scars.. Depression started kicking in BIG TIME in the middle of sixth grade. I couldn't tell my mom and dad, I just couldn't. They would call me crazy and just tell me not to worry about them and just to ignore them.. But it wasn't that easy when I couldn't even walk in the hall without someone walking by me called me "fat a**" "ugly" "b*tch" "metal mouth" "brace face" "EMO!" & sometimes "four-eyes" and I didn't know what to say back... I would sit in class and hear people talking about the way I looked and the way my hair was because it wasn't straight or the color there's we're.
Seventh grade. I tried..I really tried to be nice to everyone so they would like me. I even died my hair and changed the style of clothes I wore..just for everyone else. Then maybe they would just leave me alone and stop with all the names...No, that wasn't good enough.. It didn't help anything.
Day by day, it got worse. I would even take a razor blade to school, so every time someone would call me something or say something mean, I could just put my arm under the desk and cut myself to make me feel better. One day, I met someone who could make me smile and give me butterflies, he made me feel better. I liked him, alot. My bestfriend, the one I thought I could trust the most, betrayed me and went for him.. I was absolutely crushed. I thought I could trust her...
All the names and bullying were getting worse.. "sl*t" "who*e" "bi*ch" fat a**" "emo who*e" "poser"
Still, I didn't do anything about it. I would stick to my razor blade. The cuts got deeper. Depression was the worse it had ever been. Felt like I Cried so much I could've filled a lake. I might of only been in 7th grade, but..life, was hard. & worse when my brothers started doing the same thing. There was no where I could go to get away from the bullying. I was trapped.
8th grade, same things..
Freshman, I fought with my bestfriend, and I regret it.
Now I have a new bestfriend, and the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. My parents are understanding and know part of what I have been through, so, they understand why I act the way I do sometimes..
To this day...the scars.&.memories remain,and I sometimes get bullied even if I don't do anything. But, I know everything will be okay, and people DO care about me.
Don't let anyone bring you down. Everyone is beautiful and doesn't deserve to be bullied. Keep your head held high and show the world that you are happy with your life and no one can bring you down.
Everything will be okay, I promise. <3
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