WARNING: Contains VIOLENCE is in the story

NOT WHAT IT SEEMS

Since I was in kindergarten, I already experienced bullying, calling names such as “gay” and being judged.  The bullying lasts for 12 years, it ended when I graduated from high school. Being bullied for 12 straight years destroyed my life-physically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually. They keep calling me “gay” but I know to myself that I’m straight. It leads me to a severe depression, it also made me a suicidal-I attempted to finish my life 4 times, but they failed- and the more they bullied me, the more anger and hatred I feel to myself and to those who bullied me. Sometimes, I want to fight back-smash their heads to the wall or sometimes kill them- even though I knew it was wrong, I want to do it but I can’t do it.

Someone told me just let them bullied you and try to find their weak point- because the reason why bullies bullied people is because they are covering their main weak point that may destroy them, putting a big barrier which makes them stronger outside, but in the inside they are softer like a marshmallow-which I did, I let them bullied me but at the same time I study them. There is a one girl in my class who keep bullying me physically and verbally and I have just got enough with her foolishness so I said that I’ll rape her if she didn’t stop and she didn’t, so I unbutton my polo and grab her arms tightly and look in to her eyes evilly and she started to cry like a baby, I just let her cry in the corner with her friends and I give her time to think about her foolishness. In the following day she and her friends doesn’t speak to me, and I also have a guilt inside and asked myself “Why on earth I did that?” but I have to conceal my guilt and ironically the half of the class thinks I’m a monster which the half on the class is real monsters and I told God “What the hell? Why me? I am the victim here.”  

When I reached my senior year in high school, I’ve been put to a worst class section ever where there are a lot of gangsters. Two or three months later after the first day of school, my nightmare is showing up again, as expected they bullied me physically but more verbally. I just accepted it as my karma for what I’ve done last year. So they bullied me and I cry- crying is my way of expressing my anger instead of being violent- and asked God for wisdom and I told him “God I will not fight them back this time, because vengeance is yours not mine (let’s just respect on what I’ve believed in).” So I let them bullied me, do whatever foolish thing they want, but it pays off, I have now a wonderful life in college, I’m starting to meet my real friend, studying in a well-known university and there’s no one bullying me anymore, and I have a wonderful girlfriend which is my daily inspiration to work hard on my studies.

So MY tips for the BULLIES is that you have a day that you will pay for your crimes so be ready, and for those people who’ve been BULLIED is to stand up, know the right thing, trust in God (if you are a Christian), don’t mind their foolishness, and don’t ever let anger and hatred controls/blinded you for it will destroy you and those people surrounds you.

 And I'm 19 years old Male from Philippines (2013)

(12/10/2013:1210AM PST)

*sorry for some wrong grammar >_<