when i was six my daddy started drinking and beating us when i was 7 my mom left us, when i was nine i gave my first kiss, i learned how to skate, and i was taken into foster care.   i was mad and sad all the time. when i was 10 i became a bully

i had a brother i loved him so much, he was my everything, one second i had to take care of him and the other he was taken away from me we were split and sent to different places

three years ago when i was 12  On a sunday morning , my caseworker came she had bad news : My brother had killed himself he was only 10

My whole world came crashing down, i was struck by pain it dragged me to the bottom of the darkest ocean and i didnt came up

I had to be pushed to the limit of humiliation, to that place where the mute pain finally becomes a scream. to be taken to that place where I could not escape myself. bring me back  from cruelty towards pain. forcing me to empathize. I had to scream.
  shouting and yelling, angry, sick of my own sickness. Transform pain into a cry of liberation. i had to shout very loud, loud enough to silence that inner voice that tortured me, insulted me, that inner voice that hated me. I had to push my own limits. Until i could give that cry that put a stop to the abuse. I had to scream i am here and you can go past there. I had to be broken. So i could shake myself free from that reality. I needed to be filled with the anguish that is an ally, that anguish which becomes help, a cry for help.
You had to make me scream to bring me back from the numbness.

  and so i yelled.

Because a cry is a variation in tone is an accent on the intention, it is a change of pace and strategy.
It was important to make audible the despair and the pain, and the helplessness cry again. It was important to help them become visible by yelling
My soul needed to be touched, and sometimes the soul cries and in that cry its cured and saved.
Sometimes mutism is cured with a shout . And sometimes a whisper has the power of a thousand screams that need to be shouted.

Sometimes I think that everything around us is a mirror. When we look in the mirror, do we do it to see how others see us? Or to see if the mirror gives us the image we have of ourselves? Sometimes what we hate the most in others is a reflection of what we most hate about ourselves. Mirrors can be tricky. One can get lost in a mirror. Like Narcissus, who so in love with himself, so lost in is own reflection in a lake, drowned. There are mirrors in which we want to reflect ourselves. There are mirrors in which we see what we want to see , but also what we dont . There are mirrors in which we do not want to look at ourselves. There are mirrors in which we cant recognize ourselves. If you do not like what you see in the mirror, you win nothing by breaking it. We choose what to see in the mirror. You can see that trait that you hate or you can see it has a beautiful smile. Who has not ever looked in a mirror image of himself that he did not like? Do not fight the mirror. It's a losing battle beforehand, meaningless. If you do not like what you see in the mirror, put a smile. You'll start to like it a little more. The mirror does not lie. The mirror shows things as they are. It shows us what we have ... and it also shows us what we're missing.
Three years ago I broke a mirror, now I know what I saw ... I saw the monster that lived in me. Did not want to see it until today, the monster i seek in the outside was living inside me.
with our eyes we can see everything except ourselves, for that, we need a mirror
As long as we look in the wrong mirrors, we will just get a lot destrucción
we need to have the courage to look in the mirror and accept what we see.
there is No mirror to show us what we want to see, we have to just look in the mirror and accept what we see ... because that, like it or not, is what we are

now im 15 i woke up from my numbness and im sorry about all those mirrors i tried to brake, all the hurtful word i ever said, and all the pain i caused

dear  brother my sweet angel  i love you always , and i  wont forget your smile with that adorable gap that according to you must have made the tooth fairy rich 

always yours your sister

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