I started getting bullied in 2nd grade. I would try to stand up for myself but I would get in trouble. But before the end of the year he moved. But I have repeatedly moved and its hard being the new girl. By 5th grade I had already been to 5 different schools. So I grew really nervous because I had to make lots of friends in short periods of times and end up moving a little while after . So in 5th grade a group of 'popular' girls would try to gang up on me but I had one girl on my side. But we would end up not becoming friends. But during that I met my best friend. And I wasn't bullied for the rest of 5th grade because I was my own person and I would have myself and my friend to defend me. When we were getting ready for middle school they said we would have AT LEAST one person we knew on our teams (we have teams at my school like A,B,C,K,E) and I was one the B team but guess what? NO ONE I knew was on my team. So I was really shy and it took me a while to make friends. But in the middle of the year I started dating this guy named Jorge. And in this case everyday I fell more in love but he fell less in love. So when he broke up with me he wrote me a note and his friend gave it to me. I couldn't stop crying and had to be sent home. Later on I started to self-harm. I became an emotional disaster. But after we broke up plenty of people started bullying me and calling me rude name. For almost two years I had been self-harming. I had a secret instagram account that was suicidal and all bout suicide, depression, and self-harm. One day I posted a picture with me holding a handful of pills. They had words written one them like "hoe", "ugly" etc. I had written a description of the photo saying 'Im done, I know I'm gonna do it sometime in the winter." And little did I know someone from the high school in my district had been following my account. She had told the police officer at the school. That day I went to the Counselor and told her I felt depressed and I'm just tired. Later during lunch I was called to the office. (FWI THIS IS 7TH GRADE) And I have to go to the assistant principles office. The police asked me about it and I burst into tears telling him it was me. They had me taken away from the school to the hospital. They called my parents and about an hour after me being in a hospital my parents come. They make me promise to never do it again. They found out I was bisexual and they still accept me for me. Later a woman came from the hospital called St. Alexian Brothers and she questions me and they decide if I need to be hospitalized or not. I do. They take me in another ambulance to that hospital where I'm checked in. My dad started crying and he never cries. My mom is hugging him and hes saying 'I don't want them to take my daughter away from me." I have to fill out papers and I just feel numb. Girls and boys are walking up and down the hallways and I'm just so embarrassed. So finally its official. I'm inpatient. (Staying overnight in a hospital) For the first few days its hard. I miss home. I'm talking to multiple adults about everything. I get my own doctor and she gives me a quiz. The next day I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I talk out all my problems and I cry because hearing people read off my stupid decisions you realize how its not the answer. So after a few weeks I become Outpatient (Go home around two) So after a while I went back to school. Now I'm over 33 weeks clean from self-harm (over 5 months). Yet everyday is another battle with trying not to have a relapse. So far, I'm wining and bad habits aren't. All I needed was for someone to be there for me and realize that even when I smiled or laughed deep inside my eyes, I was a sad girl begging for help; for someone to say "Hey, I know your not okay so don't tell me that." To talk to. And it took dumb decisions to get that. So now when ever I see bullying I stand up for that person because I know what its like to be treat like your worthless. Just last week I stood up for someone and told a teacher and a few minutes later the assistant principle came out and congratulated me. So thats my story and I hoped I touched people because it was even hard for me to write this without crying. (Sorry Its Long)
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.