Kids can be mean...

I'm 24 now, in college, working and I'm about to graduate from Nursing school. I have a loving boyfriend and a close circle or friends who I trust, admire and love. But, when I was in 7-10th grade... I didn't think any of that was possible. I was skinnier then and quieter too. I was that shy, sensitive girl in the class who drew weird things and didn't really know what to say when someone tried to talk to me. A lot of girls thought I was weird because I didn't talk to them, as i'm sure some people think that today as well. All I wanted was to be bubbly and outgoing like all of the cute little asian girls at my school. Maybe so that a boy would notice me. Maybe so i'd just have some more friends. But girls can be mean, and girls would spread rumors about me. They'd say that I didn't talk out loud because all I knew how to do was talk shit behind people's backs. I was also darker than the other girls, as I have a natural tan. For some reason, it's the number one thing people point out and/or make fun of. "why are you so dark? aren't you ASIAN? HA HA HA." They hurt me and because I was so shy, I didn't know how to defend myself. A group of girls started a xanga about me (which is now deleted): called They called me "cry baby" and told me that I suck. That i'll never have any friends and "no one even likes you." They didn't even bother to make themselves anonymous when they talked shit and to this day, I remember all of their names. For a while, I had trouble trusting anyone, had such low self esteem and felt no self worth. I hated anyone who looked like, acted, associated or even reminded me of all the people that hurt me.

Until one day... I realized that those popular kids, the ones I hated but wanted so badly to be accepted by, wouldn't matter anymore. They wouldn't be popular once they hit college because no one will know who they are. College. A time to start over. When in college, I did encounter some of the same problems but at that point, I just didn't care anymore. I was on the way to finishing my degree and become an RN. I didn't have the time or the patience for anyone who'd tell me I was any less than who I KNOW I am. I'm strong, passionate and loved. I've grown to love my tan, even though there is the occasional nerve that gets touched when someone makes a snarky remark about how dark I am. I'm not exactly skinny, but I love my curves (sometimes lol) and I have an unwavering compassion for any kid or adult who's gone through what i've gone through (or worse). More importantly.. I've forgiven my bullies. Maybe not to their face, but I've put aside whatever reason they had for bullying me and told myself that life isn't worth dwelling on the past.

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