Hidden self

 I am your average student. I have a hard time trusting others. I have had too many friends betray me and become people who put me down. I have hid my real personality behind a shield. On the surface I am a confident A honor role student who has lots of friends and has a perfect life. In reality I am rather shy and dark. I am a fierce friend and I hide my true feelings. I haven't opened up completely to my closest friends who I have known for years. I am afraid they will abandon me like all the rest if I start being who I really am. I am ok with all ways of like whether it is a religion, belief, sexual orientation, or something else. I accept it all. Everyone deserves to be happy but only one or two of my friends agree with this. It makes me sad. I continue to hide behind my shell but it seems that whenever  I let people get a glimpse of what is past my outer shell many act shocked, confused, and some have looked at me like I am one of the mystery meats in the school cafeteria. It makes me put up even more walls. I have been like this for years and I am getting worried. I have built up so many walls around my heart and now I don't know how to break free. Will people ever know the real me who is screaming on the inside stuck, like a wild animal in a cage? I feel like that sometimes. i feel like  I am screaming on the inside and banging the walls of an imaginary cage trying to get free while people watch with disgust. the only person Intrust fully is my mother and I talk to her about everything but I can't seem to tell her this. It is easier to write my feelings out like this to anonymous people while I am hidden behind my computer screen. So now I ask this. I'd there anyone who knows how to break free from a shell like this? 

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