From the outside looking in

Hi I'm Marie.

I'm from Belgium and I"m 15 years old.
I've got bullied badly when I was between 6 and 11 years it was on primary school.
It started with a girl everyone hated.
But no one dared ever to say no In did.
So she started to bully me.
When she left the school everyone was glad that 'the big bully ' was away but they continued bullying me.
When I went to high school it was hard for me because of all the bullying I'm really afraid of change. And I came in a new class. And in my class where also people from primary school but that where some of the people who bullied me.
It was hard cause I was (and still am) going trough a rough time home. But I can't talk abut all this because I'm so afraid. Not even with my parents because they don't understand they thought I bullied someone and that for example my brother got bullied but my brother was bullying other people I made him stop but that wasn't painless. But when I was in my first year I thought the bullied stopped but it didn't they did it after my back. And I tried looking for help. But when they asked me what was going on couldn't tell. I'm afraid that it's gonna change that it might get worse. I tried looking for help until the beginning of this year (so that's 3 years) 'cause I gave it up.I just wanna say to the world this is me I'm not scared laugh with me if you want but you won't break me. Bu I can't I'm not honest to myself about who I am. I just want 1 day when I can be myself because I know I'm an outsider for the rest of my life. Just 1 day than they can do what they want. But with me not with anybody else. Because they tried to hurt me trough my friends. And to protect them I try to be as less with them as possible. It breaks me but I don't want them to feel this way and I wanna protect my parents that's why they can't know anything. I just don't really feel good anymore. I never really fit in but it's getting really clear to everyone. I feel like I'm from the outside looking in. And I always felt like that but now it's getting to me and it's my own fault . Because when I came to primary school 3 years ago. I was so scared so I made a shield. I became my own shield. I didn't talk about anything serious I talked trash so no one would the real me. But I started shutting people. And I'm feeling like I'm shutting myself out from the real me. And now everyone sees me unhappy.
This isn't a story about that I overcame it.
This is a story that teaches you to directly talk about it and don't shut people out.
You don't wanna feel like me so talk.

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