Ever since I can remember I stuck out. I was never popular. No matter what I did to fit in, the bullying was never ending. At Catholic school I was surrounded by kids who seemed to have perfect lives. They were rich and pretty and good at everything. I just could not compare. I was constantly made fun of and told how worthless and ugly I was. I didn't have any real friends. I switched schools in sixth grade, hoping for a fresh start. It got worse. They made fun of my clothes, my hair, my voice, pretty much anything they could think of. When middle school came, I changed my name. I started going by my middle name, hoping to create a new identity for myself. My real name, Krista, had echoed around the halls at school in such a negative manner that even I grew to hate it, and myself. My peers began to hate me even more. They told me I can't just change my name, and they began to use the name "Krista" as a way to hurt me. They refused to call me by my middle name. They called me "pizza face" because of my acne. I cried myself to sleep almost every night until finally my parents forced me to see a therapist in order to "fix" me. I was put on so many anti-depressants I began to feel like a lab rat. Suicide crossed my mind several times, but I was too scared to do it. I even felt like a disappointment to my family. I have three older brothers who have perfect grades and tons of friends. My parents expect so much from me, and I can't give them what they want. I lost all sense of who I am. I started hanging out with bad boys who wanted to "do things" with me because it made me feel like someone wanted me. In the beginning of High School, I made the dance team. Dance is the one thing that makes me feel beautiful. I was so excited. Then the practices started. The older girls would threaten me, saying that they would chop my boobs off if I told anyone they did drugs. Or that they would make me so miserable and make everyone hate me so much that I would quit the team. The harassing continued all throughout my freshman year. They did it on Facebook and twitter too. I tried talking to the coach but nothing changed. Even the athletic director and principal did nothing to help me. Sophomore year I was cut from the Cheerleading team. A sport I had done since 2nd grade. That hurt me so bad. But I thought, at least I still have dance. But the bullying continued. I had no friends on the team. The girls would tell me I sucked, and no one liked me, and I didn't deserve to be on the team. I refused to quit because I couldn't stand to disappoint my parents. They told me everything would be worth it when I got an award for being on a varsity sport for four years, and when I got the special dance team privileges when I was a senior. I just finished my junior year. Tryouts for dance team were in the beginning of May. I was so excited to finally be a senior. I hoped that I would not be stuck dancing in the very back of the formation, like I had the past three years. Boy was I wrong. I got cut from the team. With no explanation from my coach as to why. She had been telling me I was doing great all year. I felt broken and devastated. Those girls had pushed me to my lowest point and made my life a nightmare, and they won. I didn't make the team. I didn’t get the four yr. award, or any of the honors of being a varsity senior. It was all for nothing. I had let them treat me so horribly and didn't get to my goal. It proves to them that they were right. That I don't deserve to be on the team. The administrators at my school say bullying is prohibited and that no one involved in drugs, alcohol, or bullying will make a team. Well guess what. They all just did. All of these girls who had tormented me and had told stories of their drug and alcohol abuse at team sleepovers just made the team, and I did not. I have now come to accept that those girls will probably never be held responsible for what they did to me. I applied for a summer job and m now trying to move on from the hurt. I met an amazing guy. A good guy, who has had my back through the past couple months. I still worry for the start of school next year though. I worry that I will spend my senior year being bullied just like I have the past 12 years of school. All know is, if I ever see anyone being bullied, I will go to bat for them. Because no one deserves to feel this kind of pain; Like you will never be the person that everyone expects you to be. Just one huge disappointment and failure. To anyone out there struggling with a bully, stay strong
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