Bullied for life

I'm 21 now. Living life and in a good and stable relationship, but I'm not myself anymore. I started being bullied in 5th grade (I'm Norwegian and we have 13 years of mandatory school before uni). It was harsh and I was bullied every day both in school and online. I dont know what triggered the whole school to notice me at once. I was nobody special, but at least I had a personality. Until my bullies took that away from me with every hit, every word, every humiliation and every targeted ball in the gym. Even my own team targeted me because I was picked out, not by them, but by the teachers to be on their team. They hated me because I sucked at every sport. As I said, I am now 21, but I still look over my shoulder wherever I go, still feel stares judging me, still feel terrible when I hear laughter because in my head they're laughing at me and so many times have I been planning my own faithful last hour. I am not myself anymore and that is because of bullying. Thankfully the thought of ending everything is but a thought. Without my boyfriend and my family it might have been more than a thoight.

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