I have always felt like I was different, sometimes I feel pride in this, sometimes I have lower self-esteem when I feel like I am being judged. One thing that makes me different is that I always try to see things from other points of view. This has helped me to love and forgive those who have bullied me, and to strive not to be the bully. Both are works in progress, but I am working on it.

My definition of a bully is, "someone who has something wrong in their world." Everyone who bullies is someone who has been bullied, or who has been hurt in the past, whether real or imagined. Sometimes they do it on purpose, other times they don't know that they are spreading the hurt they feel, or they feel justified because they were hurt first, or they feel a need to push you down so that they can feel taller. 

Other than uncomfortable questioning and being ostracized because I didn't fit in, the first time I was bullied where it hurt was when someone spread rumors about me. It hurt that anyone would believe something about me that wasn't true. It turned out that the person who spread the rumors had a crush on a guy that had a crush on me. I still don't know which guy it was, but I know that it hurt her to be turned down, and she did what she felt might help her chances. I have forgiven her, and feel sorry that my older sisters cornered her to find out the true story.

The biggest bully in my life is someone who has been through a lot of pain. Someone who supports the bully project. She is so afraid of being hurt, that she pushes away anyone who gets too close. One day she started spamming my facebook wall with links to bullying articles. I couldn't figure out why she was doing it, I thought maybe she was trying to convince me that another friend was a bully, even though she was the sweetest person I had ever met. Many of my friends told me that I shouldn't allow her to post things on my wall, that it was hurtful. I said that I don't stop anyone from expressing themselves. I found out that she was posting on my wall because she felt I was being a bully to her. I followed one of the links and found that the definition of cyber bullying included posting multiple times on your wall. Also, every time I see memes going around about the signs of emotional abuse, I think of my relationship with her. Again, I have forgiven her because I know that I have hurt her even when I didn't mean to, and she has had so much pain in her life.

Recently I had someone contact me through facebook and try to tell me that I neglect my children and she needed to call CPS on me. I got defensive and tried to explain to this person who lives in a different state, and has not been to my home more than 3 times in the 11 years that I have been married, that people who actually know my kids ask me for parenting advice, and send their kids to me for day care, tutoring, and anger management. She wouldn't listen. I was really upset until my husband came home and reminded me what my definition of a bully was. When I linked the two I was able to let it go and realize that she was probably in pain, and that my arguing with her was probably not helpful to either of us.