YOU can get out of that SHIT

I'm a french nearly 17y old girl (I'm sorry if I do some grammatical mistakes or so..).

Let me introduce myself : I'm a joyous and extroverted girl, who laughs all day long. But it have not always been this way : three years ago, I lived an awake nightmare. My childhood was dark and sad, because I was a really shy and submissive kid. But I shut my mouth up for years and years... And one day, happened something that I'll never forget. When I was 13, I had a "close friend" who was my confident, and I made the ultimate mistake. I had no one to tell my sadness, no one but HIM. I told him what people were doing to me, how sad I felt. But it was not a good person at all. Next days, people began to say I was suicidal... This was the first step of my descent.

I forgot to say something important for the rest of my story : I'm a high IQ person (I hate to say it but that's the truth). SO there are 2 consequences : first af all, I feel an important sensibility. And than, i'm always in classrooms with older people (so, naturally, some people were jealous.... And they made me pay it.)

Well, those people began to call me "suicidal". They put shame on me, everyday was an humiliation. They laughed about me, threw me stones, threated me like shit. Sometimes, they've been beating me.

Than, I stopped speaking. I wanted to be transparent. I wanted to stop existing, I was thinking I was a mistake, like I haven't the right of living (see how much nonsense things mean people can print in your brain.)

And naturally, guess what I started to do.. It's easy... Yes, of course, it was scarification ! I got addicted to that shit. Please, if you read me, NEVER BEGIN.  It DID NOT HELPED ME, it WON'T HELP YOU. All I did was falling into an infernal circle, I was into orbit around my sadness.. It did not avoid me to hate life, to get better. 

My parents saw that. They told me "if we see a scar more on your arms, we'll drive you to the psychiatrist"

So I learned the art of makeup. I can hide a scar very well, now.

And than... Guess what ? After crying for months, scarification, self destruction, what's coming ? You all know. When you're hopeless, when there's not even a light, when your entire life is a failure, what do you do ? 



I was about to hang myself. 

I was on the chair, ready to die, ready to quit all that shit. About to take my last breath. Than I heard a "boom boom" in my head, that I will never forget. It means : "the blood can't go to your brain anymore. You can't breath. You're gonna leave that world." But I heard a little voice in my head saying "your dad is going to go alone to Iron Maiden's show next year". I choosed to live, when I was close to death. You're gonna say "what ?! All your life was only based on a concert ?" I would answer : no. This thought made me realize, I was doing something selfish (I hate to say that suicide is selfish, but it is...). There were few people who loved me, and I just couldn't leave them like that....

Than I saw a psychologist who really helped me, he was a kind person. He told me the great things : that what was happening to me was not my fault. He was right.

The school year ended, finally. Like a liberation. But it took me ONE YEAR to speak again.

Now I'm a different person, I succeeded final high-school exam, and I will go to an artschool (I began drawing a lot when I was on depression). I'm smiling all time, I'm not shy anymore. And believe me, three years ago i touched the bottom of the bottom. But I hanged on, really hard.


But one thing I had to do, and I never did : SPEAK. Tell an ADULT if you're bullied, someone you can TRUST. TELL THE POLICE. Bullying is forbidden by the LAW.

And remember, you can't do it ALONE. You NEED someone. 


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