I never grew up like many children do. I was adopted by Caucasian parents, and raised in an American setting. I knew I was different then many children around me; their parents being the same skin color, same face, maybe the same nose as their dad or the same eye color as their mom. Either way they looked similar. I don't think as a child I was truly aware of this, I loved my parents unconditionally and I still do to this day. It started when people were startled when I pointed out my mom or my dad to them. They didn't know what to expect. They were truly ignorant, and people still are to this day. Teachers, other parents, and children are still shocked when I introduce them to my mom or my dad because of our skin color. People could never look past that. It hurt, because I never considered the skin color a big deal; they were my parents, skin color or not they still loved me and I still loved them.
I was a very short, thin girl. I wore glasses and hand-me-down's from family members. I was never really one to care what I looked like, whether it fit me or not, I was very glad to have clothes. People would criticize my glasses, call me 4 eyes and nerd. At such a young age it was devastating. It didn't end there, I was called out for being Asian. Chinese, Chink, Slit-eyed and more. It was a never ending process of hatred. I never understood why. In middle school I went to a lower class school where children of less then decent backgrounds went to. I was constantly bullied, people would push me, tell me how pathetic I was, how ugly I was, that I was a teacher's pet, that I was anorexic, that I should kill myself. That was also never ending, I was still naive but without my friends to support every step I took I most likely wouldn't have even made it through the first year of middle school. I then switched to a better school, I was not bullied as often, I made good friends and I learned to gain a little bit more confidence in myself. I do however believe middle school was a very awkward stage in my life. No one completely understood me, I didn't understand myself and I don't think my parents understood what was happening in my life at that time.
It wasn't until high school that I truly discovered the meanings of what I was going through, how I felt, my life, my family, school, everything. People would still tell me to eat more, get plastic surgery because my breasts were too small and many other hurtful things. I would miss countless days of school to stay at home and sleep. I would cry myself to sleep. I did self-harm (cutting and burning) I have scars which have faded immensely. I have tried to kill myself by overdosing on medication and cutting an artery. I went to a Psychiatric Ward for Children for one week because of the countless encounters of self-harm and suicidal tendencies during my junior year of high school. I went to therapy as well during my sophomore year of high school. These are places I never want to see people go to, it breaks my heart to know that children younger then me, older and adults still have these feelings of depression and harming themselves. It is truly upsetting.
Though it may not sound as bad as others, it is still heart-breaking. To this day people comment about my small breasts, small butt, flat face, slits for eyes, small nose, white parents and the list goes on and on. It's a never ending cycle of pure hatred whether it is meant or not. I don't know if children, adults and schools understand how hard it is to live with something like that. Not many people can understand the hardships of being adopted. They shrug it off like it's no big deal, but it is a big deal. People you don't know take you in as their child, love you, care for you, feed you and give you shelter. They take their time to love a child they didn't birth. It is truly a touching sensation to know that they are there for you every step of the way, birth parents or adopted parents they will always love their child.
I am currently about to start my Senior year (2013-2014) at high school. I am 16 years old. My name is Megan. I live in Denver, Colorado. I currently model and I am a lot taller then I was. I plan on attending college and gaining a degree in Engineering. I'm a very proud adopted Korean-American and I would not change the world for that.
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