Who am I? I am the shy girl who wears cute sweaters and hides behind a book. I am the smart kid who got almost everything right in class. I am the lazy kid who hates exercise and would rather snuggle her cat all day rather than go places. I was a victim. I was bullied ever since I started 5th grade. You see, since I was so shy, it was hard for me to make friends. The few friends I did have were my confidants, my go to gals, if you will. Most came and went, but some were special. Take Tiffany for instance. We had been friends ever since kindergarten when I saw her crying under a table and cheered her up with a bad cookie joke. In 5th grade, she started hanging out with Mackenzie. Mackenzie was one of my bullies. She would always laugh at me and call me names. I let most of it roll off my back. However, I could tell that I had lost Tiffany. The next year we lost contact. Then came Anna. She was my best friend since third grade. She was the first person to actually talk to me. She became like my sister, and is probably the reason that I am bi-curious now. However, (I say that a lot... (=~=") she found out one of my secrets and then she bailed on me. The only friends I have now are Lauren, her sister Jackie, and Milah. I lost contact with Milah though, and Lauren and Jackie moved to Florida. Now this isn't a "oh no, pity me! I have no friends :(" story. No, this goes deeper than that. In 6th grade, I started getting bullied. I had moved schools, and most of the kids didn't want to be there. One girl in particular seemed to really dislike me. Kia (no joke that's actually her name) made it a point to tease me daily. I had nobody there for me except Christine, and she was iffy. In 7th grade, school went downhill. They were falling into the no child left behind trap, and us nerds were suffering. The bullying hadn't stopped either. Finally, I had had enough. Over Christmas break, I researched online homeschools. I moved to Connections Academy, and life looked like it was turning up roses for me. But then, my world took a tumble. My mother was in the hospital, and dad wasn't saying why. Turns out, he wanted a divorce, and told her so. She freaked and OD'd on her pain meds. She has had 7 back surgeries, so she has a lot of pain. Anyhow, once she recovered, my dad moved to an apartment. We lived there for about a year and a half part time untill July. Then we moved to a house in Aurora. Now I have two homes and my parents are divorced. About 6 months later, I began hearing voices in my head. I even made friends with them. Except Tana. She reminded me of everything I hated about myself. About how I was overweight, and friendless, and shy, and lazy, and how nobody liked me. About how they just tolerated me. I started cutting. I just wanted to control something. I felt like I had deserved it. But I never wanted to die. No, I had way too much planned for me to die now. I wanted to be the greatest microbiologist ever. I wanted to find the cure for cancer. I wanted to find a noninvasive cure for scoliosis, so I could make sure that other teens with scoliosis like me don't need to go through surgery. I got off topic again... :T... Anyway, I only cut for a few days before someone found out and I stopped.I was always careful to cover my wrists, but I think that I wanted someone to see, for someone to help me. I often catch myself scratching my wrists when I have had a particularly bad day though. But that brings me to where I am now. Sitting on my bed with another bout of insomnia. Who am I? I am the girl who isn't afraid to tell a bunch of complete strangers her life story. I am the girl who is a nerd, and proud of it. I am the girl with the crazy fashion sense, and still somehow manages to pull it off. I am a loner. I am the girl who likes to sit in the dark and watch music videos. I am the girl with voices in her head. I am the 8th grader who is the youngest in her class. I am Amanda Lee, and I'm proud of it. Now the real question is, who are you?
Do you like this post?