When the world seems to fail you... don't you dare freaking fail yourself.

Well, where to begin? Being Asian, and therefore an even smaller minority than blacks and hispanics combined? Being naturally short? Being raised so completely innocent that I had absolutely no stonking clue how cruel other kids were in comparison, therefore leading to a rather traumatic loss of innocence? The fact that I use sarcasm and dryness as a coping mechanism?

No... Not really. Where to begin is really what this all ended up leading to: a complete loss of faith in humanity; the feeling that no matter how much good you do or you want to do, it's not gonna matter. Growing up, there really was no doubt in my mind how American children grew up to be just so... petty and selfish. Seeing how my cousins go through the problem of being either too smart for their own good, or dealing with peers with an ego bigger than their back can carry, it was obvious how even as I grew into adulthood, it was a cycle that wasn't ending. And through simple logical and calculation, I just knew that no matter what I do, I can't stop the cycle because it won't stop itself. It's something that makes me ask myself "Did I fail the world, or did the world fail me?". It may be the worst feeling of all, worse than having your sense of confidence taken away; because while a loss of confidence leads to sadness or grief, awareness of being truly unable to stop such a scourge just makes me feel... numb. Like I'm tired of feeling.

And yet, like some idiot, I keep on trying to do the right thing; whether it's making someone happy with a joke, a treat, or a simple helping hand; defusing a conflict, whether through peace and reason, or brutal but necessary honesty; or just doing something that can to some sort of good. The logical side of me says that it's pointless effort, but still, I try to do the right thing. Probably because I'm more like to listen that side of me that still wants to believe in something worth doing, as long as it helps someone who needs it. It's an incredibly stupid, incomprehensible thing, but there's always that side of me that just refuses to surrender because how I'm also tired of basically being told "You can't".

The world is going to beat you down, whether physically and mentally. And there is no doubt that at some point, you're gonna ask if what you're doing really does matter in the end. But you know what? Just keep on doing the right thing. The world can give you the worst situation, the most pathetic of humanity, the most unforgiving storm, but the only time it's over is when you fail yourself.

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