When people forget that I have feelings too...

Okay so I am new on this site and project and I saw that I am allowed to share my story too and that's what I am about to do and I hope it will help you and will inspire you. It was 2008 when I first started a youtube channel and also that was the year I became a belieber. I saw that Justin's dream came true so I thought, why not mine too? Yeah it was the worst idea ever. I put up on youtube some covers and also a video with me saying 'Justin Bieber te iubesc' which means I love you Justin Bieber in my language and yeah, everything was fine. Only positive reactions, I got to 3000 subscribers in such a short time and there were famous people that used to give me feedback. It felt amazing. I have to say that I have never shared my videos on facebook or on any other social media website. Time passed by and I was in the handball training camp with no internet, like we could barely have wifi in our rooms but yeah. It was my birthday on 14th january 2010 and I thought of looking what's new on facebook and I saw over 100 friend requests,50+ messages and 99+ notifications so I was kinda scared of what would have happened because if I wasn't active for 4 days at that time I wouldn't get so many notifications. So I checked most of them and there were my videos posted all over my wall and all my EX friends cyberbullying me and saying bad things about me and making fun of me and when i got to delete them all, i wanted to see what the videos look like and when i looked at the comments it was all filled with 'kill yourself' 'i am ashamed that we share the same name' 'i cant believe you were my best friend' 'i cant be seen with you ever again' 'i think i've just lost my hearing' 'you should end up your life' and so on but all of them were from people from my school and from my town and i honestly wanted to delete them in that night but I couldn't because my account got hacked so they are STILL there. I had the worst birthday. After  I got home from the training camp, I had to go to school and everyone started to push me into walls, call me names, point at me, laugh at me, steal my things and throw them, imitate me and trying to be cool, of course they are I mean, sure... making someone feel worthless is making you cool, right ? they still do that. I am still being bullied because of them.  My dream is to become a singer. I gave up on youtube even though the embarrassing videos are still there, I can't do anything about them. People just won't grow up and realise that it was ages ago. I am not afraid to say that I love Justin Bieber. I stand up for myself. I've learned that if I ignore them, it's better. I've been through depressions, I started to cut, it became an addiction, I don't really get sleep, only like 3 hours everyday. I am always sad but I try to smile and make them wonder why I am still smiling.  I am trying to be a strong person and so should you. I have so many suicidal thoughts at night but I don't know what is stopping me... I am just trying to show you that even though someone is telling you that you can't do something, it doesn't mean that you have to give up or listen to them. You have to turn your back and say 'watch me' .. or  just try your best and become better through years, just like I did. My covers are the most famous covers on a lookalike youtube website that my country doesnt know about. It's true that this situation made me go from that loud popular girl to that shy unseen girl and I don't have friends anymore and I spend all my days on the internet because people forget that we have feelings too and words do hurt but it also made me a better person. I am a good person. I always try to help everyone and I am glad I found this project. I would like to help heaps of you. Just believe in yourself. Everything is gonna be alright.

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  • Cathy Weber
    followed this page 2016-08-04 15:15:12 -0400