What Bullying Has Done To Me.

Bullying acn ruin someones life. I know 'cause it has ruined mine. I was that typical student that was friends with everyone and was never being talked bad about. Until one day my boyfriend broke up with me. i hooked him up with my best friend and everyone was yelling at me "why would you do that?". Everyone was making me feel guilty and sad. I went home and cried myself to sleep. A week later another  boy asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes. everyone found out and started calling me all these bad and mean names. i went home crying and my mom diddn't think anything was wrong because i said i fell on the stairs. The next day people were calling me even more names and said i was 'ugly' and 'fat'. i went home and cried myself to sleep. The next day was the same way and i wanted to go home. when i did my mom wasn't home she went to the grocery store. So that day was the first time i cut my wrist. The next day i covered them up with a'lot of bracelets but my friends noticed and yelled at me. that really didn't help. they said they were going to help me and were never going to leave me. i was thankful for having friends like them. my mom didn't notice my cuts 'cause i had my sweater on. I cut again because all the word people were saying to me were haunting me inside my head. The next day in school someone told everyone i was cutting and they were laughing at me and called me stupid. There was this one boy that saw my cuts and went up to me saying "You cut yourself, haha your emo!" and he left laughing. He didn't notice me crying afterwards. Then this girl came up to me and said move b****. I heard you cut yourelf, you are so retarded!" i went to the locker room and started crying in there by myself. i went home that day and i went to the bathroom and cut my wrist even more and even deeper this time. i took a shower afterwards so my mom wouldn't see the blood. The next day my friends friends saw more cuts on my arm and they wrote me a note saying " We are done with you! We tried our best to help you but now your'e on your own. Dont even bother coming for us for help anymore. Goodbye." I cried my eyes out and that when i had serious suicidal thoughts. They saw how broken i was and didn't do anything. They saw me not eat that whole week and just laughed at me. This girl saw me and told the guidane counseler about me. the giudence counseler talked to me and told my mom i cut. When i got home my mom yelled at me and said i was crazy and then told my dad to come home now. they yelled at me then they cried. that was the first time i saw my dad cry. The next day  in school someone took my agenda and wrote all over it and ruined it. later that day a boy came my up to me and said "hey" and then he punched me and ran away laughing. I cried and the teacher asked me what was wrong. i told her and she did nothing. I still have suicidal thoughts and now that im getting help it got worse. I never have any privacy anymore and no freedom. I even tried to overdose and get my life over with. it didnt work. people found out and said that i should kill myself and that its better without me. Till this day all those words are haunting me and make me feel worse of myself. Till this day i still cut but this time its all over my body and i m addicted to it. Til this day i feel like suicide is still he answer o solve all my problems. I've been told to stay strong but i cant because im already broken inside. sometimes i just wonder when will it end........

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  • commented 2013-04-03 16:58:46 -0400
    Hi Gaby, this is Rose from The BULLY Project team. First of all, thank you so much for reaching out to us. That shows huge courage. Reaching out is NOT easy. I’m so so sorry for everything that’s happened to you. I want you to know that you’re NOT alone. We have a whole community of people here to support you. Have you been on our Facebook page? It’s turned into a thriving community where people find support and community.

    Here are a few ideas of ways you can take action to change your situation:

    1.) It might be helpful for you to reach out to http://121help.me to speak to one of their counselors for free.
    2.) Check out our tools and resources here: http://www.thebullyproject.com/tools_and_resources to find ways of taking action. I’m so sorry your parents weren’t more supportive, that’s really hard, but I know it’s hard for parents to know what to do in these situations. It might be good to share the “tools and resources for parents” page with them as well. Maybe have an open, honest discussion with them saying, “I don’t want things to continue the way they are at school, can we brainstorm together about what we can do?”
    3.) Work with your parents to host a screening of BULLY in your home and invite people who care about you, then have a meaningful discussion afterward, using the tools and resources for fuel. Do this here: http://www.thebullyproject.com/calendar
    4.) see if your school would be interested in using our Educators DVD and Toolkit to transform your school’s culture from one of hurt and exclusion to one of empathy and action. Maybe you can find one teacher who would be open to helping you make this happen, or bring it to the principal. They can order the kit for $29.99 here: http://www.thebullyproject.com/preorder

    It does get better. I myself experienced really bad bullying for many years, and it still affects me today, but I now have an amazing community of friends who constantly remind me how awesome I am, even when I can’t see it, and I have to say, helping others has really been healing for me. That’s why I work on The BULLY Project. Maybe working to bring this to your school could be a powerful way of not only lifting yourself out of your circumstances but help others do the same while you’re at it?

    Above all, be sure you’re regularly reaching out to others who can support you! Thanks for becoming a part of this movement by sharing your story. If you have any questions about how to take action, feel free to email us at info@thebullyproject.com

    The BULLY Project