I became a victim of bullying in the 5th. grade. I've often thought I could write a book about my experiences with this issue. Lord knows I would have enough to write about. School kids never liked me because I had teeth like Bugs Bunny and I wasn't able to wear the best clothes. I came from a broken home, my father was an alcoholic and an abuser and unfortunately my Mom, Brothers and Sisters usually got beaten and abused nightly. My Mom (God Rest her soul) had 9 kids to take care of (Including me) so she couldn't work. My father only worked so he could drink and rarely did he work. So needless to say we were very poor. I was always a sick young girl for a very long time and my father refused for me to have braces. I remember when I was 11 years old my period started as when I was in one of my classes and everybody was laughing at me and I ran home (A block from the school) crying my eyes out. It was that same year I got Epilepsy and my chest started developing rather quickly... *Sigh* I remember one day by the locker area a male student had this long rubber band, held it back real tight with his finger and let it go and it hit my face. Fortunately a fellow teacher saw what happened and had him suspended. Then their was the time a student put gum in my hair and I had to get my long hair cut off just to get it out. Even though I tried my hardest to fit in nothing seemed to work. I was once threatened by a female student not to come to school one day or i'd get my butt kicked and the next day I stayed home. I was constantly pushed by other kids and as my chest got larger. Male students would often come after me for a "Free Feel" and the female students seemed jealous of me because of it and often harassed me because of it and it wasn't even my fault. I once tried out for the cheerleading squad and nobody would be my partner and I auditioned by myself and one of the teachers told me I made it. I was so thrilled especially when she told me I was very brave for what I did. But sadly enough my father wouldn't pay the $10.00 then for me to be a cheerleader. My heart was broken. I remember a time I thought I could be popular for once and I wore a new dress, shoes and pantyhose (girls would tease me for not having any) to school and I felt so great but the girls there picked on me for that too and said: "Oh, Linas finally got her poor Mom to buy her some pantyhose." It didn't stop at home either... I once walked down to the nearby 7-Eleven for a soda and neighborhood bullies chased me all the way to my house because I verbally defended my self when they made a hurtful remark to me and because I ran home crying my father criticized me for not fighting back. My life seemed like a living hell with the abuse at school and then the abuse at home. I began to wonder what was their to live for. But when I graduated from elementary school I felt some relief because I thought those horrible kids would be going to a different high school then me. Boy was I wrong! They went to the same high school as me! But then too I had to face a whole new bunch of bullies as well and I did. In P.E. it was the same... never getting picked for teams. Kids were only nice to me for lunch money until I started saying no and still I felt like an outcast due to my not being able to have "Stylish Clothes" as the kids wouldn't let me forget it. I was constantly being "Felt Up" by boys in school and on the bus. It got so bad my Mom had to got to the school and demand that someone (Teacher, Principal etc...) escort me to the bus so I wouldn't miss it and to have a talk with the bus drivers. To make sure I got to sit up front so that I couldn't be harassed by school mates. I rarely had any friends in any of the schools I went to and if I did it was rare and never long enough to sustain a relationship. It seems sad to think that some school teachers were my only good friends and the only ones who saw my full potential and how to develop it. I was never so glad to get out of high school even though I never graduated. I got a real bad flu in the second week of the last semester of school. The principal called my Mom and told her that we had to come in for a meeting. The principal and counselor both told us that I had to come back to school or else I wouldn't graduate (I missed to 2 weeks). I told him I couldn't because I was so sick he got angry and gave me his opinion and because I wasn't feeling well. I got mad and gave him a few choice words of my own and told him I would never come back to this lousy school. Needless to say I didn't graduate and I never got to go to the prom either and I do regret that but don't regret my actions toward the principal and counselor. Because I went back to night school and I got my H.S. Diploma in 1998. When I started to work I thought my days of being bullied were over. Because I was entering a new world with adults who I thought were intelligent enough not to do such a horrible thing like I had experienced. But yet again... I was wrong and it was just as bad. I was a hard working individual who prided my self in honesty and giving a 100 % and because I wasn't goofing off enough or wanting to chat most of the time. It seems to make other co-workers think their was something wrong with me and they never let me forget it. In fact I found out through an honest co-worker that everyone thought I was a "B*tch" because I was being anti social. They were so wrong! Because I was one of the nicest people there. But my father drove it into my mind. "That a job worth doing... is a job worth doing well" and so I took that to heart and I always made sure I wasn't slacking off and I was busy doing my work. Which created a lot of hostility. Especially when I would question a co-worker or boss when I thought something wasn't right. I have worked a lot of jobs and have also quit a lot of jobs without notice because of these problems. Which I do feel stem from the Bullying I received in school. I eventually had to retire from working and became disabled due to my Emotional Issues and A Massive Frontal Lobe Brain Tumor Surgery I had in 2003. First off I would like to say... I have and never will be angry and bitter because I came from poor parents. Because I know it wasn't my Mom's fault she did the best with what she was dealt with and I admire her for her strength and ability to love us all and see that we never went without. You know... I thought after the many years of getting professional help. That I would be a lot better then I was and hold no resentment for those who were so cruel to me in the past. Amazingly enough I was able to forgive my father for what he had done to me and my family. But yet I still can't forgive those who made my life experiences "The Worst Years of My Life." I would like to be able to forgive them. But I just can't! Maybe it's because to this day I am not married or have anyone in my life to love which needless to say I never learned to know what it's like to be happy and to socialize and make friends and maybe too it's because I see that it's still happening to kids everywhere and for no good reason whatsoever. It just makes my blood boil! Because this is so senseless and it shouldn't be happening! I wish I could do something to help these young people going through this problem. But what can I do? I have no money I can give and I don't drive. So how can I help? Theirs no easy answers it seems. But I still want to help! Anyway in closing I would like to Thank You for letting me vent about my experiences I really Appreciate It. My Heart and Prayers go out to all the young people who are experiencing this senseless kind of Hate. I can only Hope and Pray that someday this world and it's people will finally learn to Love on another and Accept those who are different. For it's our differences that makes us Unique. Thanks again ~ Miss. Linas Butcher
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