I never imagined myself at rock bottom. I've had every problem you could possible think of. I was first bullied at the age of 3 by some ladies that worked at the daycare I was at. Now I will warn you this is gross and it makes me sick to my stomach every time I think of it and it is also the most embarrassing thing I will ever tell anyone. The ladies use to force my best friend and I to eat each other's boogers and snot while the rest of the toddlers laughed at us. In kindergarder I was put in an aftercare. There was a mean girl there that would yank on my hair, scratch my neck, and would threatened me if I even moved. In second grade was when I got in my first fight. It stated getting violent when a girl tried to choke me, then she was about to do it again so I started running away and she pushed me, face planting onto the concrete. My knee was drenched in blood and none of the teachers would let me go to the nurse. I even got in trouble for asking twice. I had to settle for limbing around with a bloody infected knee all day, later leaving a permeant scar. In third grade I there was another girl who teased me and made fun of me but that was about it. In fourth grade my best friend had befriended some new students who were horribly mean to me. They would tell me to save them a table at lunch, which I did, then they would look at me whispering back and forth, laughing, choosing to sit with the popular kids, while I just weeped at a table all alone. I use to go to the councilor everyday. My teacher finally agreed with the mean girls that it was morally right for them to treat me the way they did and told me that I was wrong of accusing them of anything. In fifth grade I the school had provided me with my "very own councilor" since I had so many problems last year and was ditching class a lot to go to the nurse. Later to find out I did not have a personal councilor, I was being put in an autistic class. They had put me in that class because I liked to ride horses and that was my passion, but no that's not normal for a fifth grader to have a passion so there had to be something wrong with me. That year my best friend had befriended some one else who latter got her boyfriend to threaten to beat me up. That year I also got beat in the middle of a street with bag of newspapers and stomping feet. I was curled down in the street covering my head while about five boys from my grade beat me until I was able to get away. In sixth grade I had encountered the girl that tried to choke me in 2nd grade. She gave me a hard time at first but it soon ended. Then I was met by another old friend of mine who was about 2 times the size of me and started pushing me and slamming me into stuff in the hallway. She even posted this on Facebook: "If you hate Cassidy like this post". That year I also encountered a group of druggies at my school while walking through the neighborhood with my friend. They wouldn't stop bothering us trying to get us to get high with them, so stupidly enough I started throwing rocks at them. That was a bad idea! They started chasing us down the streets - about 8 of them verses the two of us and we were soon blocked off by another 5 of them and they grabbed my friend by the shirt and yanked her up dangling in the air. They threatened to beat me up but I just stood there silently in shock. Luckily no major harm was done to any of us. In seventh grade was when everything went tumbling down. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer, my one friend befriended two people that made fun of me 24/7. At first I refused to be around the two girls my best friend had befriended, but she forced me to sit with them by literally dragging down the cafeteria isle to their table. The two girls made fun of my weight, telling me I was fat a needed to go on a diet. The next year I had developed an eating disorder, binge eating, which later started to develop into bulimia. But besides making fun of my weight they would make jokes about cancer right in front of my face knowing that my mom had cancer. My best friend turned out to be some kind of psychopath and started kissing me, tying me up to chairs rubbing her body all over me, trying to rip my bra off. I finally got freaked out by her and asked the councilor if I could go sit in detention during lunch to avoid her. I got in fights every single passing period! I use to go home and lay down covered from head to toe in icepacks with bruises scattered all over my body. I use to hide in bathroom stalls and I even found hiding spots in the school where I could see who was walking down the hallway, but I wouldn't be seen. This helped me avoid getting in fights everyday. One time I remember running down the hall and getting cornered into a wall getting kicked while the librarian just stood there laughing at me while I was on the ground getting kicked to death. Finally the fists and kicks weren't enough and someone had to bring out a weapon. I was stabbed by something on the left side between my neck and shoulder, I didn't tell anyone at first since my mom was getting chemo treatments, I didn't want her to worry about me. It's been three years since then and I have visited 15 doctors, had 5 MRIs, 2 sets of X-rays, a whole bunch of medication, and they are just now slowly fixing it. While visiting those 15 doctors I was diagnosed with PTSD. Anyways, in eight grade I had moved schools and the 2nd day of school kids were already throwing pencils at me. The friends I had made there were always getting arrested for smoking pot. Eventually I made better friends who didn't smoke pot and had my back. Unfortunately I had to switch schools which would be the last time I switched schools year after year since the 5th grade. I had met a friend in summer school there who went around the 2nd week of ninth grade stabbing me in the back. She told people not to trust me. When we did hurdles she was mean to me, because I was better at it than her. She called me a lesbian and finally I had had enough. At one track meet she was talking smack about me and I left. I got in trouble for leaving the track meet and losing my spot in district because of it. Later she started up with the lesbian thing again. One day I asked to be excused from class crying almost the whole period in the bathroom on the phone with my mom. My mom had called the councilor and told her what was going on and she didn't even talk to me, ask me if I was okay, or even email back my mom, she just ignored it! The drama finally ended when I was in tenth grade and admissions office had completely separated us. My best friend was mean. She would not like it if I talked to other people and would get mad at me if I did. Once she gave me three warnings that if I talked to someone else I would get punished for it. All I do know is fix other teenagers "crisis". Sometimes it is that there parents took there phone away for a week and now their planning on murding them. Other times it is boyfriend/girlfriend advice. Since the councilor at school is officially useless I have seem to become the new councilor. People will try to act nice and friendly to me to get answers to homework and then completely ignore me the rest of the time. I admit I have extremely low self-esteem. I've had an eating disorder, I can't stand up to my friends, I let people use me, and worst of all I sell myself cheap. This one guy this year asked for my phone number and I thought he was just being friendly. I made a huge mistake in more than one way. He started asking for pictures, that had to do with less and less clothing. When he first asked for a bra pic I refused. Then he started getting pushy saying "It's bra or panties pic". I finally gave in sending him over several pics. He told me to keep this between me and him. I knew he was using me from the start knowing that he did the same exact thing to one of my friends months earlier who refused to send any photos to him. He texted me randomly and completely ignored my existence at school but I kept sending him the photos. I've realized that we should not bully or use people because we don't know what their life is outside of school or where every a person might be getting bullied. I have a hurt should for over three years, I have PTSD, in seventh grade I had a mom with cancer, who I still worry about getting cancer again. I have a brother who gets high and is an achololic; I worry about losing him everyday. I lost my grandfather less than a month ago. I have to worry about my dad losing his job. I have trouble at school with dyslexia and ADHD. I have family problems. I've had to hear my aunt and grandma tell me how horrible of a person my dad is and then having to keep that from him for 15 years! People at school don't realize that I go home at the end of my day dealing with more problems than I have at school. They still give me a hard time, but they don't even realize what my other life is like outside of school.
The Never Ending Cycle
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