The hell Ive been through

Hi, my name is Julie. I am 15 years old from Louisiana. Ah, where do i start? Well, I've been overweight pretty much my entire life. Because of this i would get bullied like nothing else. When i was in pre-k, the other kids didn't want to play with me because they said i was to fat. As i moved into kindergarten, it just got worse. From pre-k to third grade i thought that maybe now that I'm growing up, maybe the bullying will stop. Oh boy was i wrong. I was about 10 years old in the fourth grade. my parents divorced on my 8th birthday and both have remarried. Fourth grade was the absolute worst. My nicknames were 'fatty mc fat fat, fatty, fat Albert, fat a**, and much more. I cried almost everyday. Almost every day i tried telling my teachers but they didn't do anything. As i went on to fifth grade, the bullying slowed down, but never stopped. By this time, Ive learned who my stepmom REALLY is. When my dad was at work she would hit us and when we told my dad, he didn't believe us. When we told our mom, she took them to court. My dad and stepmom still to this day will never admit that this happened. Well, when they went to court, the judge said my mom was the one who was lying but she was telling the judge exactly what we told her. Im still not sure what happened, but i remember seeing my mom being shoved into a cop car while my stepmom kept telling us to shut up every time we screamed. Since then, there has been many, many court dates. Still my mom is portrayed as a liar. Not only was there physical abuse, but emotional abuse as well. I was always overweight so even though she knew i was being bullied at school, she bullied me at home. "You shouldn't eat that, you'll get fatter than you already are." I was also insecure about my looks. I was always told i was ugly so, when i had the chance to wear make-up, i took it. Well, it was picture day. I was in sixth grade at the time and i was partly done with my make-up. My stepmom saw my make-up and immediately told me i looked like a fat clown and took the make-up. She was only a little taller than me at the time and she was holding the bag in the air as if i couldn't reach it. As i jumped up and grabbed it, she hit me in the face with her big boobs and screamed to my stepsister to call the cops because i apparently hit her. When i heard that, i took the bag, stuffed it in my book sack and stood by the door to wait for the bus. (my make-up is still only half done.) When she got done calling the cops, she screamed at me to get out of 'her' house. All of a sudden, i got the urge to finally stand up for myself. I pushed the door open, threw my book sack on the ground and started walking barefoot down a gravel road. I was crying my eyes out in disbelief (my dad had already left for work.) the bus pulled up behind me and the driver asked me if i was going to school i just shrugged my shoulders and she told me to come on. When i was walking up the stairs of the bus, she asked me what happened. I was hyperventilating as i tried to tell her but, I couldn't. When we got to school, the juvenile officers were already waiting on me. They didn't arrest me but they told me that if she ever called them again that i was going to go to juvy. I went home to see her pretending that nothing ever happened... until my dad got home. After that, all hell broke loose. I turned to cutting as an escape from my emotions but shortly after that first cut, my only friend at the time found it and said if I don't make an effort to stop, she's going to have to tell my mom. I stopped, for my moms sake. Three years later and here I am. With a razor blade in one hand and a tissue in the other. No one knows but my closest friend, Maddy. I told her before i showed her the scars, she just has to accept that this is what i do. she agreed and gasped as i pulled my shorts up to reveal the scars on my thigh. The bullying still goes on today, but not nearly as bad as it used to be. Since then Ive been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I still cut. Im still shy. Bullying still affects me. 



Every thing in here is true. Everything that has ever happened to me is not in here as it would take a long while to remember and then type.


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