I am a female. Bi. Currently 17 and suffers from severe depression. My family doesn't know a crap about that. I cry myself to sleep. And have nightmares. The sad thing is I wish I lived in my nightmares because it seems better than my reality. I'm a cutter for years. Its sad how no one at my house is to blind to see that i am not normal. I've been treated like I'm nothing but a waste in this world. i cant do anything right in this world. I'm one piece of crap in my family. i starve myself and cut my skin open to be happy with myself because neither at school or home i feel safe and secured because in both place I get bullied everyday by cruel people. I am still alive because my boyfriend helps me stay alive. Can he do much? NO but he has been here every time i try to kill myself because the world makes me feel like i am nothing but a piece of crap that is wasting air in this planet. I want to have a future. That is just a dream i have when I'm asleep because when i wake up in reality i feel like I;m already in hell, just the fire missing... No the fire is here just invisible and its burning my heart and I am slowly drowning in my own dark world. I have been called ugly, fake, stupid, retarded, too skinny, go back where I come from ( not American) , the N word ( because I am black), psycho, I've been laughed at , get bully for my accent, too stupid to have a future. I have been mentally abused in every way and little does my mom knows I always wanted to leave her and go to the other side because it seems that living is not an option for me. Therapist doesn't help. Tried to be honest with mom but instead got judged for my thoughts. Words Hurt more than people think. I get bullied by my own brother everyday and it hurts that sometimes I picture myself just jumping off a bridge. I dream about it and fantasize it. Words takes me down so low that I don't see myself in the future. Days are going by and still wondering when I will finally be gone.
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