Since when did being me, become a bad thing?

Hi, I'm Anna I am 15. I am like the thousands of kids that are being bullied right this minute. In 2005 as I stepped out of my moms car with my sky blue and navy blue uniform on, my floral backpack on my shoulders and my pink Scooby Doo lunch box in hand; I looked up at the tall brick building where I would be spending five years of my adolescent life, unaware of truly awaited me on the inside. After a few pictures and one last look at my crying parents I took the first step into the abrupt end of my innocence. Of course the first day was great, I loved my teacher and I enjoyed my studies; I hadn't made any friends but I dismissed that as a typical 'first day' thing, I would for sure get a friend tomorrow! And to my delight I did, her name was Sarah. We became very good friends but by first grade she began to drift away and the bullies started to pursue. Now let me set the scene a bit, I was a first grade student, at a private school, I was shy and quite a bit taller and wider than my class mates. This is when I developed the understanding that being who I was, was a bad thing. For a while I tried to fit in to no success. I started to think that maybe I wasn't nice enough, so what did I foolishly end up doing? Trying to buy peoples friendship of course, and it "worked". You can imagine why there are quotes around that... Anyway, with my new friends I played soccer and basketball with which I was actually very good with, considering my size, I could move rather quickly. This fun time didn't last long though, I soon was trust into a situation where I was trying to defend my friends (that's what friends do right?) from older boys that were bullying her. I did so, and BOOM, I landed myself the nickname of 'pork chop'. Go ahead and laugh, I know I do now, though back then it did hurt, a lot. But non the less life went on, I continued to 'buy my friends', but then it came to the boys, who poked fun (boys will be boys) I would usually end up crying in the bathroom. The bullying really became prominent in my life in second grade, where I gained my second nickname, 'Godzilla". In all honesty, I could have lived with the pork chop name... This one excluded me from things, If I wanted to play with the other kids they would say no because I might 'eat' them or 'squash' them or some other asinine thing. It got so bad that I ended up throwing up and going home or pretending I was sick and going home. I usually would call my grandparents, my parents would say no or would be too busy and our relationship wasn't amazing at them time so I felt I would cut my losses. As soon as I stepped foot in my grandpas van I knew I was safe from all the mean kids and could let down my guard. Even though when I got home you would usually find me playing with my stuffed animals or my dog, I was dying inside. I would spend countless nights balling and praying that things would be better, (I am a pretty good Catholic by the way). When things didn't get better I would continue the going home and even now I cringe when I say this, but self harm. (I didn't cut though so don't be too upset) No I found other ways to relieve the pain and punish myself for being who I was. As the bullying got worse I developed a depression that was more than I could bear, I took knives to my throat, guns to my head, and hands around my neck. All the time being too big of a wuss to do anything, (which is something I can thank God for I guess). So you can say that my Kindergarten-Fifth grade years were the worst years of my life.

In sixth grade I moved houses and (since God had mercy on me) moved schools as well. I came in terrified that my life would continue to be terrible, I feared the possibility that as I got older, I would be capable of taking my own life. Though to my surprise I haven't, and I don't plan to. I have not self harmed in three years and I am happier than ever. I am currently a Sophomore in high school, and all I have to say to my attackers is that you lost. I am alive and happy and you can't hurt me anymore, even if you tried I have an abundance of friends that would fight for me. You won the battle, but I won the war.

My advice, NEVER is being you a bad thing. I don't care what society thinks! You are amazing and you deserve to live life the way you want to!

I leave you now with a quote, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha

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