When I was a child, I thought the world was a great place. Something I could explore and find things in. As I grew older, however, I came to learn that I was VERY wrong. The world is nothing but fear and sadness. At least for me. I am an 18 years old bisexual girl who thought my life was not worth living anymore. I didn't want to tell ANYBODY about my sexuality, especially my family, because I was afraid they would want nothing more to do with me. I came out to my mom two years ago. It was the best and worst thing I have ever done. She said she accepted me for who I am and she still supports me to this day, but after I told her, she did not say one word to me for two weeks straight... I finally went on FaceBook the other day and told EVERYONE. I still haven't heard anything from my family. Anyway, when I was in high school and middle school, I was bullied for every possible reason. I would just brush it off in middle school, but as I got to high school, it got worse and worse with each passing day. Then, my Freshman year, I lost my grandmother, my best friend. I didn't want to be here anymore without her. So, I attempted suicide 12 times and almost succeeded four times. I'd get to that moment where you see stars and a bright light, and I'd finally take a breath. I don't know why I never could do it. I also started cutting. My ex-boyfriend ended up telling my mother about that. I was then put in therapy for a few weeks. It never helped. I have been cut-free for about a year and a half now. I still get to points where I want to cut. I'm always going to have these feelings, I'm afraid. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression at age 14. I am going to have to be on medication for it for the rest of my life. Everybody tells me I'll just grow out of it, but they obviously have NO idea what it's like being depressed. They may complain of being depressed, but they have not felt the reality of it. If they ever do, then they'll understand what it's like. What it's like to feel completely out of control of yourself. To feel utterly alone. Not having a friend in the world there for you to talk to or to comfort you in any way. I am a freshman in college now and I only have one friend. Two out of the three roommates I have hate me. They really do. I have made a lot of mistake while I've been here, but I plan to make myself a better person from them. I am happy to say that I have found someone I know I can spend the rest of my life with. He knows about me, everything about me, and he accepts me as I am and loves me. No matter what. I do still get depressed a lot, but I am hopefully going to start seeing a therapist again for that. I also just wanted to say that is anybody, ANYBODY, needs someone to talk to about anything and everything, I am a great listener and I'll always be here for people. Even after they've left. Always. <3
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