Seven Years & Counting

When it comes to bullying, I am very familiar with the damage it causes. As I see others go through what I once did, but even worse, it breaks my heart and I wish I could just take a sword and shield and protect them from evil. I wish I knew what I do now, and had the strength and courage to had faced my bullies, but instead developed something that continues to swallow my life.

I've never been popular, just an average girl, ever since grade school. But I wasn't really ever a loner, I had friends and all so it wasn't too bad. In middle school is where my story takes place. Now at this time, I had just moved to Big Bear, and I knew nobody, this was all new to me. I have moved from my hometown, leaving behind what I knew when my father passed away. I made a very small handful of friends, some I'm still friends with till this day. But usually I was a loner, minding my own business and not really having anyone to socialize with. I just remember middle school being very lonely but when I did have the friends I had to hang with, I would. But, the bullying started when I was targeted as the "new girl" for this group of boys. I was in 7th grade, a little chubby, an easy, easy target you could say. For whatever reason I thought these group of 8th graders were being friendly when they started talking to me, but then they started calling me "Johnathan" for what reason I have no damn clue. At first, I laughed, but then realized they were teasing me and giving me a name that clearly was to mess with me. So throughout the school year I was "Johnathan" to them. I would shrug it off as best I could, but the troubling part is where a lot of the bullying takes place, on the bus. My main bully, which I will not name, unfortunately rode the same bus I did to get home. The one day he pushed me over the edge and has forever changed my life since. I was sitting in a seat, and "the bully" a seat behind me. Heading home, "The bully" started poking me and saying" Look at Johnathan, hit Johnathan and see how fat he is, look how fat Johnathan is!" I just ignored him, sitting there humiliated as he carried on, tears filling my eyes, holding my breath, as I finally jumped from my seat to another, not looking back and just feeling completely broken. Getting off the bus at my stop, I let it all out, everything I was holding back when on the bus, it all came out the very moment I stepped off that bus. That was the first time I ever realized that I was "chubby" or "fat", before that I never ever thought or saw myself that way, I was okay and happy with myself till then. After school let out for the summer, and after a year of feeling horrible about myself in 8th grade, the summer after 8th grade that's when I was at home and put together the idea that if I'm eating so much food..I'm gaining weight..I don't want to be fat. . I don't want to be picked on anymore, so I became bulimic. I did it for the summer and had lost like 20 or 30 pounds. I was stoked, but didn't realize this supposed to be temporary fix would haunt my life till this day. Ever since the age of 15 I've been bulimic, I'll be 23 in August. Never in a million years did I think this would have happened to me, but never did I think I would have been bullied, or never did I think my father would have passed away. All in all, bullying is a problem, and it has affected my life by creating a problem I live with going on 7 years and counting.

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