I miss being a little kid. No worries. No fights. No drama. No name calling. Just worrying about what I was to eat or what I was going to do that day. The park or backyard mud pies. Gosh how much I miss that. But anyway. Growing up I was far from the prettiest girl. I didn't dress well. I wore ugly sweats with tennis shoes everyday or jeans and stuff that didn't fit me. But I still had fun. One day in gym in 4th grade this guy came up to me and pants me infront of the whole class. I was so embarrassed. My first time ever being bullied. Next came my parents divorce it was SO hard on me. My dad was my bestfriend and he was leaving me. I cried so hard that day. My dad didn't move out of town just to my uncles but for me it seemed like the end of the earth. He became unhappy and cranky all the time. I remember countless times of crying cause he made me feel bad or e yelled at me. I then became a bully. A physical one. I took all my anger(from being sad) out on anyone and everyone. Of course I got caught and punished. But I then realized how bad I was hurting people. I stopped and never bullied someone again. But then I moved. At my new school I didn't fit in well. I was quiet and shy. I got pushed around and called so many names. I just let them do it. I didn't tell anyone. I would sit in my room at night and cry. One night I finally had enough. I took a knife and made my first cut. From that day forward I continued to cut every night. I had knives all over my room. No one knew at the end of the year I told my mom I wanted to switch schools. She let me. Little did I know that it was only gunna be worse there. The minute people saw me I was instantly hated. I was joined with a small group of friends they were all really nice. That is until this guy came along and said he liked me. My friend was his ex. I asked her if she cared she said no. I didn't know her well so I couldn't tell if she was lying. But the guy and me ended up going out. Once she found out she spread so many rumors. Told so many lies. And I lost everyone. I was completely alone. I cut worse and more and more often. I tried suicide about 5 time. Pills. Cutting really deep. and I always failed. My mom eventually found out and sent me away to a mental hospital. I was there for a week. I hated it. I don't like sharing my feelings. The people were nice. I was diagnosed with severe depression. My start of a long line of prescriptions. When I got back to school rumors were flying about me. That I was pregnant. I was locked up. I was a freak. I was a cutter. Everyone knew my secret I tried to hide. I had horrible scars. The year went on and I got mixed up with the wrong crowd they got me into partying and drugs. One guy I met was amazing he helped me knowing my past. He kissed my scars. I knew he loved me. I ended up leaving before he could leave me. I was still cutting but less and less finally I was free for half a year. Then I moved again to where I am now. People here are fake and judging. The only thing I have here is 1 true bestfriend. She's helped me. I've gone from low prescriptions to high. I'm taking double dosages I've changed the type of pills atleast 5 times maybe more. It seems to go up every time it go. I have had eating disorders. I don't eat at all some days in the past but now all I do is eat. I try to eat my pain away. But one thing no one knows is I've replaced with my cutting and suicidal thoughts. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't do it because it would only turn my pain into my couple friends and families pain. I still get bullied. I'm called a whore. Slut, cunt, b****, hoe, ugly, stupid, anything you can name I've been called. I've been told to go kill myself. I've been told no one cares about me, I'm worthless, my friends just feel sorry for me, but it's all true to me anyway. I don't kill myself. I just sit there numb. I don't feel anything anymore. I just stopped trying. So this is my story.
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